


a carriage ride through Willingden

by AmandaBecker



Series: What if? [16]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: F/M, Heywood family - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:09:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 31,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21718210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaBecker/pseuds/AmandaBecker
Summary: What if....Mary and Tom weren't the only passengers in the coach that crashed?
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Series: What if? [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544161
Comments: 243
Kudos: 298





	1. the accident

**Author's Note:**

> a new What if.... hope you enjoy.

Highly concentrated Charlotte lay in the grass and watched the rabbit that she had in her sights. When suddenly her sister called her name. A four-horse carriage raced along the path and a bad feeling overcame her. In the next moment a wheel had already jumped off. Charlotte called out to her siblings and ran. 

The coachman tried to calm the horses down, apparently not injured, but didn't answer. After she called, the door of the carriage, which now lay on the side, opened and a big man with red cheeks looked around excitedly. An elegant lady, slightly dazed, looked around with a disoriented gaze. Charlotte did not hesitate any longer and helped the lady out by climbing onto the carriage.

The man did not want any help and jumped down from the carriage and injured his foot. Just as Charlotte and her siblings were about to bring the two home, the woman called out in despair. 

"Sidney!"

Worried that a third person, possibly even a child, was injured in the carriage, Charlotte climbed back up the side of the carriage without thinking and leaned inside. He was not a child. It was a dark-haired man who seemed to be unconscious inside and didn't move. Charlotte climbed carefully into the carriage and bent over him. Her heart was beating up to her neck. Please don't let him be dead! She reached over to him and touched his face.

"Sir?" He didn't answer.  
"Sir? Please wake up!" she pleaded and patted his face. 

She continued to bend over him. He had his eyes closed, his lips slightly open. A gaping wound on his left temple. She took her handkerchief and pressed it on the wound and muttered a prayer.  
Oh Lord, please don't let him be dead! Her heart was pounding so loud and the blood was rushing in her ears she couldn't hear his breath. So she leaned forward and put her ear where the heart seemed to be. She could not hear it beating through his clothes, but because she was so close, she saw his chest rising and falling. So he was still breathing.  
Thank God!

"What the h..." he cursed angrily. Charlotte immediately went up and with joy that this stranger was not dead, tears came to her eyes.  
"Sir, are you all right?"  
She pressed her handkerchief back against his wound. He hissed and knocked her hand away.

"What about Mary and Tom?" he asked scared instead of answering her.  
"They're out and unharmed, so far." She smiled at him again.  
"this damn carriage,....would have rather rode" he scolded and Charlotte looked at him amused, apparently he was well enough to swear.  
"Can you get up?" she asked nicely.  
"if you'd just get off me!“ he snapped.

A little pain pricked her heart, why was he so unkind? She just wanted to help.  
"Beg you pardon, I had to see if you were still alive." Charlotte apologized immediately with a sarcastic undertone.  
"You can see that!" he hissed.

In a whirl of darkness, babble of voices and pain, Sidney tried to orient. Suddenly something pressed against his temple and the pain changed. A pressure on his chest made him panic and when he could finally open his eyes he looked into a face. A face distorted in the semi-darkness of the carriage.

"What the h..." he cursed. He saw the face flinch and therefore spoke no further. He looked into big dark eyes. Something glittered in them. A soft, lovely voice let him know that it was a woman. It irritated him. She apparently pressed on his temple. The pain and her closeness were almost unbearable and he knocked her hand away.

An expression of pain scurried across her face and he had to turn his gaze away from her. Mary, Tom, where were they? This girl smiled at him, and his heart made a strange double beat. He then scolded to himself to order his thoughts. What had happened?

"Can you get up?" she asked in an enchanting calm tone. And he wanted his answer to sound joking, but it came out a little harsh. A quick-witted sarcastic response came from her and she tried to push herself as far away from him as possible in this cramped room. Immediately he missed something. What was going on?

Before she got up, she gave him the cloth soaked in his blood, stood up and climbed out of the carriage without another word. Sidney pulled his face when he got up, too, in pain or because of the awareness of having hurt the young thing, he couldn't say for sure. He pushed himself up and slipped off the carriage without hurting himself like his brother. Astonished that she had not yet run away, but had been waiting for him, he stared at her. She was pretty. Big chocolate brown eyes, her hair waving wildly around her reddened face.  
Sidney shook his head and looked into the distance.

"The others have already gone ahead." She explained, then lowered her gaze and turned to walk. "Ah, here come my brothers." 

And then she walked with quick steps towards two slim boys. They weren't sixteen, Sidney thought, and followed her. When he almost caught up with them, he actually wanted to apologize for his behavior, but was distracted by the look in her face.  
Those eyes! The beautifully shaped lips. What?  
Why was he staring at her lips?  
His heart was beating wildly and he was now completely confused.

By the time they got to the house, they had hardly spoken a word. Charlotte had just introduced herself and her brothers, he had told her his name, but nothing more.  
He seemed to be a narcissistic, arrogant, snob. Ungrateful. Nasty. Even his broad shoulders, his size and his handsome face couldn't change that. And the irritating fact that she had noticed all this, although she hadn't looked at him at all!

When they finally came into the parlour, she left the injured to her mother and her healing hands. She did not expect to get in touch with him again, although the thought made her heart beat faster. Probably out of anger at his behavior. 

Or?


	2. injured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney have each other wrong...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this lit up the dark mood...

In the evening, when everyone in the dining room came together to eat with their guests, Charlotte wondered where Mr. Parker's brother was.  
She looked inquiringly into the group and looked expectantly to the door. This handsome braggart probably wanted a big performance.  
What? He wasn’t handsome, not at all!

Her mother called her and asked her to bring some bread, ham and wine to the younger Mr. Parker.  
When she was about to protest, her mother said quietly.

"Mr. Parker is hurt. Be nice to him."

Annoyed, Charlotte went into the room upstairs by the stairs. She knocked briefly, but did not wait for an answer but opened the door quietly.  
Hoping that he was asleep and she could sneak out without him even noticing her. But of course luck was not on her side.

"Oh, thank you Miss...?" he asked stupidly, as if he had already forgotten her name.  
"Heywood." She said briefly. She didn't see on telling him her first name, he didn't deserve it.  
She just wanted to turn around to disappear again when he reached for her arm, but kept away from touching her.

Charlotte looked at him with her eyebrows raised, but said nothing.

Ah, that's how it's gonna be. So she didn't want to make it easy for him.  
Well, he had been really unkind to her. He was already in a bad mood when he got into the carriage.  
Then he hadn't really noticed the accident and had probably fainted for a moment.  
He woke up and then this... young thing with her insanely big eyes and those many sweet freckles on her nose - since when were freckles sweet?  
lay on him. And that feeling was like that, was like that...yes what exactly? Confusing?

"Well?“ she then asks, a bit too bugged.  
What happened to those land owls? He asked himself.  
And instead of apologising for his behaviour, what he was actually going to do, he pressed his hand on his wound and said harshly.

"When is the doctor coming?"

"What?" Charlotte was surprised.  
She would have thought this guy was tougher after all.  
He wanted a doctor? With that little scratch? She's had worse.

Judging by his discontented look, she had not only thought that, but said it out loud. Charlotte flinched briefly.  
But then she stretched her chin and waited for his answer. But it didn't come.  
He nodded and puffed with the view of the food.  
Hmm, maybe she wasn't that bad, after all so.... oh, he didn't know.

"Thank you for the food.“ He looked at her, but could not bring himself to smile.  
"was not my idea.“ She turned around and left the room.

Later in the evening, when the little ones were already in bed and sleeping, the adults were still in the lounge talking about Mr. Parker's dream of Sanditon. They were surprised when the door knocked and Mr. Heywood let the Doctor in after Tom Parker had sent for him, for his brother.

"Charlotte, would you escorting Doctor Fuchs to the patient?"  
"Yes, but..." she protested, but her mother just tilted her head and Charlotte stood up to take the doctor to the annoying guy in her brothers' room.

"I really don't know what this is all about, it's just a little cut." She mumbled to herself as they entered the room. 

Mr. Sidney was lying on his right side and woke up as soon as they came into the room. He looked bad.  
Pale and cold sweat stood on his forehead. When he saw the doctor, he pulled the blanket back and leaned further into the mattress.  
He hadn't noticed Charlotte until suddenly his view was blocked by her dress.  
She leaned over him at the level of his head to inspect the wound without obstructing the doctor.  
It was no longer bleeding, but had been deeply injured by a large splinter of wood stuck in his back. 

"Oh, ja doch! A lot to do," said Dr. Fuchs, who turned around, rolled up his sleeves, and picked up various medicines and bandages from his suitcase.

"You should turn around, it may become unschön. Gnädiges Fräulein."  
"I am not afraid of a little blood." Did she answer annoyed.  
Why did everyone always have to think that? She lives on a farm, after all.  
Injuries from animals, wooden slats or rusty nails were almost the order of the day.

"Then it's good. You can hold the candle. I need more Licht!" called the german Doctor.  
At that moment her mother came into the room with her arm full of candles. She distributed them in the room and lit them.  
Then she left the room to get more and to bring towels and blankets to the doctor as well.

"Thank you very much, gnädige Frau." The doctor says.

Her mother held one of the candles as close as possible to Sidney's upper back.  
She told her daughter to do the same even though she was still standing on the other side of the bed.  
Charlotte wasn't even aware that she was standing right in front of his face. As she bent closer, her breasts brush almost over his face.  
Sidney's gaze blurred completely. Whether it was the pattern of her dress or her closeness of her....and her scent, he couldn't tell.  
It was so distracting, in any case, that he almost didn't feel the pain caused by pulling out the splinter.  
But just...Almost. 

But then he pulled in the air sharply, when Dr. Fuchs made the first sting, the tears kicked him and Charlotte in the eyes.  
She was so incredibly sorry for the way she had treated him. The guilty conscience pervaded all her thinking.  
Completely absent caressing his shoulder, with the hand not holding the candle.  
Slowly and reassuringly she spoke at him, as she always did with her little siblings.

His skin was warm and softly under her fingertips and only as she noticed the goose bumps she froze.  
What was she thinking? That was a man, after all. A strange man! 

She looked up in horror, but her mother didn't seem aware of what her daughter had just done. Not her.  
But the man under her fingers was fully aware of what she had done.  
Shone down to him and caught a truly pretty smile on his beautiful face before he flinched again.  
The next stitch was made and he griped the cloth in front of him, not aware it was her dress.  
The warmth of his hand swashed through the thin material. Her breath hitched, till he let go and took a long breath.  
Get ready for the next stitch.

He was so beautiful, Charlotte thought, and her cheeks glowed.  
Luckily it was dark and warm in the room, the blushed cheeks really nobody could notice.

After the Doctor had done the fifth and final stab, he dabbed something hellishly smelly on the wound and then wrapped a bandage around Sidney's shoulder.  
He should still lie on his side to prevent the bandage from slipping down. It was a stupid spot after all.  
Directly under his left beautiful shaped shoulder blade.

"You can give it to him in pain," the Doctor handed her mother a small bottle. "and dab that on the Wunde again and again."  
Mrs. Heywood choked and for whatever reason Charlotte grabbed it and nodded.  
„alright.“ 

"Good," the Doctor said his goodbye to the patient.  
Sidney thanked all three seriously for their help and when Mrs. Heywood led the Doctor out, she told Charlotte to blow out the candles.  
After all, nobody wanted to start burning.

Of course she did, what she was told. Totally trying not to look in his direction.  
Till she wanted to blow out the last two candles standing on the table next to the bed.

"Don't. Please,“ he said in a rough voice that made her shiver for whatever reason.  
"I can't sleep yet."

"All right. I'll get you something to drink." She said gently.  
"Thank you Miss Heywood."  
"And here a blanket," she put it carefully over his body, "I think we should open the window a little."  
"Yes, that's a good idea."

Although he didn't want her scent, which still float in front of his face, to disappeared.  
But the many candles had taken so much air out of the room that it almost made him dizzy.  
Or was it the throbbing pain on his back? The fogging painkiller or the strange feeling that something was in the air? 

Something to do with Miss Heywood and her intoxicating...being....her delicate fingertips smoothing his skin, her soft voice....

What was wrong with him?


	3. smoothly shaved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Sidney gets a confusing message...Charlotte has to help him shaving...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, I want to thank all the nice people in this fandom!  
> You help with questions, leave Kudos and comments.  
> You support and that we're all treating each other with respect here!  
> That is truly wonderful

Early in the morning, Miss Heywood came into his room and closed the windows she had forgotten last night. Poor Mr. Parker must have been half frozen to death because he was lying under the blanket with his upper body naked. She stared at him for a moment, distracted, he seemed to be still asleep. On tiptoe she tried to steal herself quietly away again.

"Miss Heywood? "He asked in a scratchy voice.  
"Mr. Parker." Slowly she turned to him and was relieved that he was completely covered.  
"Thank you." He said for lack of words.  
Charlotte looked so different this morning. Or maybe it was just the sunbeams slowly making their way through the curtains. Fresh and radiant and with a tender smile on her lips.

"I'll erm... I'll go then, Mr. Parker." She scurried out of the room, embarrassed. Disappointment lay on Sidney, although he knew of course that a young lady wasn't allowed to be in a man's room, a stranger's room. But he hoped very much that she would return soon.

Shortly after breakfast, he took in bed, Mary and Tom came to visit him. They told him that they wanted to return to Sanditon today. Finally, the children and Tom's project waited for their presence. Sidney knew that the priorities of the two were not equally divided, but in a peculiar way he was pleased that they left him here alone. 

"Dr. Fuchs said you could travel again in a few days, but we can't wait that long," Mary said, longing for her children.  
"Of course Mary, I understand."  
"We'll send the carriage back to you all." Tom hurried to say. Excuse me? Had he heard right? He looked at Tom in question and his heart started beating faster, for some unfathomable reason.

"I can ride a horse after all." He marbled.  
"No," Tom shouted, "Doctor Fuchs is coming on Thursday."  
For what reason he was disappointed Sidney couldn't say for sure, but his heart made a jump as Tom continued speaking.  
"you can all go together then." He now looked at Mary, who couldn't resist a grin, but tried to get a calm voice.  
"we've invited Charlotte to visit us for the summer."  
Sidney asked "Charlotte?“ oh, please let it be her. His heart pounded up to his neck, he really didn't know why.  
"Well, Miss Heywood, Sidney. Miss Heywood," Tom replied excitedly, planning in his mind what he wanted to show the young lady.

Later that afternoon, Sidney tried to get dressed so he could have dinner with the Heywood family. Lost in thought and stroking his chin, he noticed his growing stubble and decided to shave for the first time in days. Luckily Tom had brought his luggage and Sidney dug out his utensils. As he painted the foam into his face, he heard a slight knock on the door and asked in. One of the boys, 7 or 8 years old, spicked into the room and asked if he needed anything. Since the dinner would soon be ready.

"Maybe you or one of your brothers can help me shave? I can't lift my left arm yet and..." Sidney asked.  
"No, but I'll get mother."  
"No, that's not..." but at that moment the boy was, maybe George, already disappeared and he only heard the rumbling footsteps on the stairs.  
A few moments later, the door opened and somehow embarrassed to be so helpless, he began

"Thank you, but I don't need any..." and the rest of the sentence got stuck in his throat when he didn't see Mrs. but Miss Heywood standing in his room,. Once again. 

They stared at each other for a long moment. 

Hesitantly she came one step closer and pointed to the razor in his hand. He nodded and looked at her with intense eyes. She would have liked to ask him not to unsettle her, after all she didn't want to cut him. But she went silently behind the chair he was sitting on. Sidney slipped down so that he could put his head on the back. His head leaned slightly against her belly, and since he couldn't see her face from this position, since her...her femininity blocked his eyes.

The sensation of her cool fingers on his heated skin tingelte her way through his body. Taking a deep breath, Charlotte slowly began her work. Completely conscious this time, that if she would bend over even minimally, she would press her breasts into his face. Blushing could no longer be called the burning of her cheeks. She was glowing. 

"How comes?" he asked curiously.  
"My father had broken his arm when my mother had just given birth to the twins. So I had to..."  
"Why you?“  
"My brothers were in the field and I am the oldest, so..."  
"Ahh."

So the conversation was exhausted and an embarrassing silence lay over the room. Only the scraping of the knife, over his skin and her both breaths was to be heard. Sidney risked a look after all and was surprised how close she was. A slight lift of his head and he would.....he would.... closing his eyes and trying to shake off the tempting thought.  
How could he? 

But when she moved a little bit behind him, her scent came back. This irritating scent. And he couldn't help but inhale deeply. Breathe her in.

How could he possibly survive the carriage ride several hours to Sanditon?

"Your father always shaves himself, now?" he asked to say something, he found the situation extremely.....delicate.

"Well, ever since I had shaved him, he always wears a beard..." she said, lost in thought, and in an act of panic, Sidney grabbed her wrist holding the knife. Their eyes locked.  
Only after a moment both seemed to notice how unproper this whole situation was. Shocked by his actions, he let her go and mumbled, a barely comprehensible

"Forgive me."  
"don't worry," her voice was teasing, yet he could hear her tension. "as fast as your beard grows, you won't see anything later."

A short laugh came away from his lips and it was such a rare feeling that he got very warm. Her fingers, holding his skin tight to get rid of his stubborn hair on his larynx, didn't cool him either. They were hot, like glowing coal.  
After a while of silence she was finished. And he thanked her without having seen the result. When he turned around, he just caught a glimpse of her blushed face and then she was gone.

A little later Sidney went down into the room he had recognized as a dining room when he arrived here. He knocked and was immediately invited in by Mrs. Heywood. He honestly and effusively thanked her and her husband for their help. And asked the boys, who he took the room from, for forgiveness. Even though he didn't want to, he offered to move into the Inn the next morning. But neither Mrs. nor Mr. Heywood wanted to hear about it.

There was a wonderful roast and Sidney had the feeling never eaten in such pleasant company before. Although there were so many children, it was relatively quiet at the dining table. Though they talked across the table and things were handed back and forth. To his regret, Miss Heywood, Charlotte, sat at the other end of the table. So he couldn't talk to her, but he could get some important informations about the young lady.

She ate like a little bird, and that seemed atypical for her, according to her mother.  
"you won't get sick, will you?" she asked concerned.  
"No mother, of course not."  
"That would be a real shame after you've been invited to Sanditon."  
"I'm not sick, I'm just....a little warm." She gave back quietly and looked embarrassed briefly at Sidney, whom she caught looking at her. The light blush in her cheeks got a little deeper and at that sight Sidney suddenly felt so...light.

"So, Mr. Parker." Did her father start to attract attention, he hadn't noticed anything, had he? Sidney asked himself nervously and looked at his host.  
"tell me what you're up to and what Charlotte can expect in Sanditon."

Although he was a widely travelled, experienced businessman, it was a very long time that a gentleman so obviously curiously asked about his life. All eyes were on him, which normally didn't bother him, except this one pair of eyes that seemed to pierce him.  
And this time he didn't mean Charlottes, but her father's.

Sidney took a deep breath and started talking about his business, his stay in Antigua and Sanditon. Fortunately, he didn't completely fall into his brother's enthusiasm but remained objective. He told about the local events, Lady Denham and the bathing machines. 

"Do you like bathing too, Mr. Parker?" asked one of the boys.  
"Yes, very much." He said honestly, a wave of relief flooded him. Not only because the subject was changed, but he could catch a glimpse of Charlotte, whose brother had asked the question. She looked at him curiously but friendly. A light smile lay on her lips, and he found her simply adorable at that moment.

"When your shoulder is healed, you can swim in our lake." Said George, the boy who had come into his room, earlier.

"Oh, I really would love to," he said enthusiastically.  
The heat that a certain person caused in him could only be relieved by bathing in cold water, he was sure of that. 

After dinner, Sidney went outside with Mr. Heywood. He was happy to finally be able to smoke a cigarette again, but before he could even catch it, he stopped doing what he was doing. If he was honest with himself, he didn't want to do it in front of Mr. Heywood. He didn't want to make a bad impression. 

But why it was so important to him he couldn't say with the best will in the world.


	4. the cool morning by the river

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> independently of each other Charlotte and Sidney seek time alone by the river...

Sidney had slept badly, whether it was due to his throbbing shoulder or the strange conversation with Mr. Heywood, he could not say exactly. It could also have been due to the confused dreams he had had since his first night in the Heywoods' house. 

Now that he was feeling better, he wanted to run down to the river and take a bath. He walked down the path behind the small estate, as the boys had explained to him the night before. It was early in the morning, the house was still in complete silence, although he could hear Mrs. Heywood humming in the kitchen as he left the house.

After he had found a secluded spot surrounded by thick bushes, he took off his clothes. Looking around him to make sure that no one, especially no young ladies, were around, he let his body slide into the cool water of the river. It was a relief. Refreshing and invigorating at once. Even if the wound on his back was a little tugging, it was fun. He easily found his rhythm and swam the narrow river to the opposite bank and back again. The current drove him a bit, but swimming against the current was the kind of effort he needed now.

Sidney had a great desire to swim back a little further down the river to get a little more exercise and get rid of the tension that had been holding him for days. These unexpected and also unwanted feelings that burst inside him were extremely confusing. It seemed as if an old wound that he had been trying to hide and forget for years was about to burst open. But until a few days ago, he hadn't realized that he was longing for it. For a life away from his London and Sanditon commitments. He couldn't explain why it happened and why here. 

Of course, deep down he knew this confusing feelings and what, or more to the point, who was to blame for it.

Since she was going to live with his brother for the summer, he had to banish her from his mind. He would avoid any interaction with her and see if that would not dissolve into pleasure. That she confused him was a very natural reaction, after all she was the only young lady for years who had come so close to him, not only physically. Yes, that was the point.  
He sucked in deep air and dived quite a distance and when he came to the surface again he swam further up the river with strong strokes.

The only moments of peace and quiet Charlotte could enjoy at the early hour of the morning. She got up at the first light, even before her mother prepared breakfast in the kitchen. After she took the eggs out of the barn and laid them in the kitchen, and lit the fire in the oven, she went into the stable to help the boys feed the cows. At this early hour, she did not need to talk to anyone, no one wanted to talk to her. These were the only hours when she could be alone with her thoughts without being constantly disturbed by any of her brothers and sisters or her commitments.

Ever since the Parkers came into her life, she had a lot more to think about. Not only was this great and unexpected journey coming up, there was so much more to think about. Her father had already warned her about the place and the visitors there. Her sisters were a bit jealous of what she might experience there. Her brothers were all happy not to be invited, although a few detailed reports of the construction sites and sports activities were required. Their mother had made strange suggestions about happy happenings and had told her several times not to be too picky, especially when it came to dancing. Even if this would have been enough to make her think, it was obvious what captivated her thoughts most. Or rather who.

This distracting young man, who was so rude at first and now so friendly after all. He had enriched last night's dinner so much, all his reports about far away Antigua and his work had been so interesting. Apart from the fact that he was the only young man she had ever got so close to. Of course, she had to deal with the stable boys and harvest workers, her neighbors, the men at her father's construction site. But most of them she had known since childhood and nobody caused the strange feeling in her like Sidney Parker.

Every time she was near him, she blushed. His eyes penetrated her and her heart seemed to lift in her chest. It felt in her stomach like when she first jumped from the strong branch of the thick oak into the river. A brief feeling of flying. And the disappointment! So strange to get that feeling every time she had to leave his room, or like last night when he went out with her father. How she would have loved to be in her father's place.

Again her heart was beating wildly in her chest, just at the thought of him. How could she survive the carriage ride to Sanditon when he was so close to her? Probably she would not be able to look at him and would look silently out of the window until he could finally flee from her. Charlotte didn't know what he thought of her, nor what made her to forget how to speak every time he spoke to her.

She had to get a clear head and ran like every morning across the fields to her favourite place. There she could think, read in peace or even write poems without anyone watching her.

When Sidney swam to the shore to rest for a moment, he realized how the accident and the days tied to the bed had exhausted him. He was out of breath and his heart was beating wildly. Fortunately it was relatively mild and he had no problem cooling down. He really longed for it, after all he had been swimming in the cold North Sea every day since he could swim. Even in winter. Indeed only for a short time, but his father had demanded this from his sons. To toughen them up. 

Nevertheless, he now realized that the effort after days of lying down was a bit too much and he was intelligent enough to know that weakness in the water could be life-threatening. He decided to take the shortest way back. So just cross the river and stay close to the shore to get out of the water in case it was getting too much.

It was not long before he reached the opposite bank. Totally exhausted, he pulled out of the water and sink into the grass. Now it would be really unpleasant if someone saw him in this state. Yet he almost wished she would see him like this. Wondering what she would do. Run away? Or would she bend over him in concern? The thought sent a shiver down his spine. When he had gathered enough strength, he sat up and looked around in all directions. To his right were dense bushes and tall trees. Under the shelter of the forest he would safely advance to the place where he had left his things. 

When he had returned to his place unnoticed, he let his gaze wander, lost in thought, over this nice little spot of earth when he saw her.

She sat under the shelter of a thick oak whose branches reached over the river and wrote in a book. Maybe a diary? He wondered if he was in it. If so, he would love to know what she thought and wrote about him.  
His thoughts were still busy when she put her book aside and stared up at the top of the tree and stood up.

She was a really beautiful creature. Of course, he had noticed she was a pretty girl before. Her big warm eyes, showed her intelligence. The light smile on her full lips. Her demeanor, resolute and courage while she looked after him. Shy and witty he had seen her, tense and embarrassed. These were all attributes that made her attractive to him, but never before had he been so aware of her as in this moment when she looked detached into the sky. She was young. Inexperienced, but interested in life. And her body!

Distracted by her delicate neck, he realized too late what would happen. Her small hands, which he had already felt warm and firm on his skin, which had lightly and tenderly chased a burning path over his body, now slid to the front of her dress. 

He didn't want to stare, but he couldn't take his eyes off her as if he were under some kind of spell. Her spell. In a flash, the fabric slipped off her and exposed her shoulders. She had apparently taken off her stockings before, because she was only standing there in her undergarment. 

Her hands reached for the bow of her petticoat and pulled it up. His mouth became dry when suddenly she stood there only in a chamise. Although she was hidden by the trees and bushes around her, a protective instinct rose in him. He couldn't stand the thought, that anyone could see her like that, except him. 

As she slowly slid into the water of the river, he realized that he was still standing there. Though it was quite cool, his skin was tingling as if the sun was burning down. Miss Heywood reappeared in the middle of the river and he took the opportunity to go back into the water.

Not only did he suddenly need to cool down, but he was afraid that she might see him standing there, starring. Naked, exposed, and barely able to hide his desire for her. In order to cool down further, he stood there for a while and then left when he thought it was safe to leave the water again. 

While he was getting dressed, he could not prevent his gaze from wandering to the place where she had been. And there she stood. The water was up to her waist. The chamise stuck to her body and showed her remarkable curves. He had noticed before, but never so....so clearly. 

He stared at her for a moment longer, before he was able to turn away. Since she had closed her eyes and held her face to the sky, he could only hope that she hadn't noticed him. 

It would be an interesting breakfast, he thought as he ran back to his hosts' house.

But he was sure, he had a problem, a serious one.


	5. either side of the path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after the swim in the river, Sidney's beginning to realize what's going on...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to my friend Lyn.

Had he known that Miss Heywood would not be at breakfast, he probably would not have been so eager to show himself from his best side. He had put on his prettiest waistcoat and taken special care with the knot of his tie.  
He was cheerful, charming and helpful. Qualities that were well received by the Heywoods and were seen as his true nature. It was true that Sidney was good with children, he was loved by his nieces and nephews, but among strangers he never tried to make a good impression. Among strangers, he didn't care what they thought of him. But he did here, and it wasn't only because of his gratitude for the hospitality. 

Even though he was here for so short a time, he felt at home somehow. Which was crazy, of course, but he felt it was.... family.  
’Ha! What a stupid idea.’ he scolded himself in his head.  
It was probably because Mr. Heywood reminded him of his own father and put as much trust in him as his fatherly friend George Lambe.

A little disappointed that Miss Heywood was not there, he left the dining room with the plan to write a few business letters saying he would not return to London for at least another week.  
He found business letters even more nerve-racking than personal letters, he had to think of every detail, not to overlook any mistakes or pay bills too late. After all, his name had always been equated with punctual payment and reliability, and that was to remain so.  
A somewhat more difficult letter caused him to loosen his tie and fling it onto the bed. He walked up and down the room, although there was not enough room to do so, to get rid of his restlessness. His arm hurt him, he really never thought that the wound under his shoulder would affect his writing, but it did. With three long steps he was at the door and tore it open, only to forget at the same moment what he actually wanted to do.

„Miss Heywood.“ he said breathlessly.  
Charlotte was standing in front of him, still raising her hand to knock when the door was ripped open.  
"Mr. Parker!" she cried somewhat startled, her clenched hand hovering at the level of his heart.  
„Forgive me, I was just leaving to ....erm...get some fresh air.“  
„Oh that is quite alright, I want to ask you for the same.“

Unbelievingly he looked at her and she blushed slightly. But she quickly recovered and explained to him that the children had asked if he wanted to go to the river with them. Suddenly pictures of her in the water flooded his thoughts again and this time it was Sidney who blushed. 

"Oh, well, yes... erm, Thank you,..." he stuttered, that really didn't go well., he had to get a grip on himself!  
"Well, I mean I would like to go swimming again..."  
"Oh, you've been swimming?" Was he dreaming now, or was she disappointed?  
"Erm, yes...this morning." Sidney couldn't look at her and turned embarrassed into his room. He hoped she hadn't seen him. 

"Too bad." she whispered, bit her lip and looked at him from under her lashes.  
He smiled sheepishly at her words and got nothing out, but a croaky  
"yes, too bad."  
For a moment they looked at each other and an awkward silence spread. Retracting her lips Charlotte let her gaze sink. She got a glimpse of his naked skin on the collar of his shirt and although she had seen him in other situations and felt his skin already under her fingertips, it was somehow a very intimate moment. Her gaze hung on his vulnerable skin for a moment too long and images of him from the first night flooded her mind.

"I beg you pardon", he managed to make her look him in the eyes again,  
"I have a difficult business letter to write and yes..."  
"Are you in pain, Mr. Parker?" she asked anxiously and his heart almost stopped from the warmth that flooded him at that moment. Speechless, he looked at her, she saw his confusion.  
"You write with your left hand." It was not a question. How did she know that? She laughed for a moment. The confusion was written all over his face.  
"Well, I saw the ink." she pointed to his hand and he looked at it as if a third hand had grown on him. It was true his fingers were smeared with a minimal amount of ink, he was really surprised she noticed.  
"I notice these things."  
"Yes." 

He smiled tentatively at her and shook his head over this ... this little miracle.  
His brother Tom, hadn't noticed it yet. Again there was this little embarrassing pause between them and Charlotte was glad when her sister Sarah came to get her.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Parker." She nodded briefly and was about to leave.  
" to you, too, Miss Heywood ." he searched desperately for something more to say, but couldt only manage a hasty, "see you later."  
"Oh yes, Mr. Parker," cried little Sarah, "will you come to our picnic?"  
"I'd love to." he exclaimed delightedly, perhaps he was a little too enthusiastic after all and took a deep breath. It seemed like a sigh.  
"Down by the river. Come when you're done." 

The smile that Miss Heywood then threw over her shoulder caught him completely unprepared. Only after a while did he realize that he was the only one in the hall and he went back to his room. He would finish that stupid letter and then go down to the river. Some fresh air would do him good.

The dogs were particularly wild today and ran back along the path as if they had gone crazy and then jumped into the water in high spirits. When Terry ran too far away, Charlotte jumped up to bring him back. He was just too young and impetuous.

As she saw him, the green high grass on either side of the path as Sidney walks there and he touched the grass blades with his beautiful manly hands ©, deep in thoughts, she couldn’t think straight and hide in the bush behind her. She could not disturb him, he looked a little, ...angry...or concentrated, and she couldn’t bare the thoughts she was the one to distract him from what was on his mind. 

If only she knew that it was her who made him think so hard that he was no longer aware of everything around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With permission I was allowed to quote Lynsunrise, her text is marked with the ©


	6. promise at the picnic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Haywoods asking Sidney for a promise...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's a little one before heading to Sanditon...

Dogs and children ran towards Sidney when he arrived at the Heywood family picnic. His eyes wandered, but there was no sign of Miss Heywood.

"She's just looking for one of the dogs." Mrs. Heywood noticed without looking up and laid more treats on the blanket in front of her.  
Of course, Sidney could have pretended that he didn't know who she was talking about, but with these people he somehow had the feeling he had to be honest. That if he was lying, they could see through him. They were so different from anyone he knew. 

"Can I help you, Mrs. Heywood?" he asked instead.  
"Yes." Now she looked at him with the same penetrating eyes as her daughter, Sidney smiled at her, though her gaze was dangerous too.  
"You can keep an eye on ... on the children for me." Somehow Sidney had the feeling she actually wanted to say something else.  
"Of course."

He strolled over to where the children were playing catch and running over the field which shimmered in the golden sun. Some of them run around with rackets. Since he was also good with his nephews and nieces, it was easy for him to persuade the children to play together. Although his shoulder hurt a little bit, but something like that had never stopped him before. After a while, he divided the children into two teams and let them play cricket. Sidney acted as referee, but was suddenly distracted when Miss Heywood joined her parents with flowing hair and gathered skirts. The huge dog by her side was wet and shook itself in front of her, which she seemed to be annoyed about, but at the same time laughed so heartily that tears came to his eyes at that moment. 

How happy do she has to be to laugh like that? How unspoilt by the world outside, so pure and innocent. The feeling of wanting to protect her at all costs from the evil world grew in him, he would have liked run to her and ask her to stay here. In the cocoon of family and love. Out there, adventure and something new, another life was waiting for her, but it was dangerous. 

"Mr. Parker, come on," cried Mr. Heywood and waved to him.  
Only then did Charlotte seem to notice him and immediately drop her skirts. She then ran down to the river to wash her hands. The children did the same and then they all met again on the picnic blankets. There was eating and laughing, some of the smaller ones were running around in between, the dogs tried to steal sausage or cheese. But an angry look and a raising of the hand made them sit down. Again and again Sidney's look wandered to Charlotte, now and then he caught her looking in his direction. But since both looked away immediately, one could hardly attach any importance to the whole thing. Her skin was glowing. The sun let her hair shimmer in a dark chestnut red, it now lay gently on her back again. How would it feel to run his fingers through it?

"Mr. Parker, when do you have to go back to London?"  
"I suppose, I'm going in a week, Mr. Heywood."  
Was that disappointment on Miss Heywood's face? Sidney, distracted for a moment, indulged in this thought, but still wanted to make it clear that he would comply with Mr. Heywood's request to look after Charlotte a little.  
"But I shall commute and come back every few days."  
"That's good." Mr. Heywood nodded and looked briefly at Charlotte, who distracted herself by cutting cheese for one of her siblings.  
"At the end of the week is the ball your brother spoke of, isn't it?" Mrs. Heywood asked.  
"Yes, that's right."  
"Your brother said you have many friends from London coming to the ball."  
"Erm, well, my two closest friends will come, they may want to invest in Sanditon."

When Charlotte got up with two of the youngest children and accompanied them to the river, her mother asked Sidney, whose gaze had followed her, a question he hadn't expected.

"Would you be good enough to ask our Charlotte to dance?" Surprised, he looked at her.  
"It would be her greatest wish. She loves to dance, but here is little opportunity."  
"Of course, Mrs. Heywood, although I believe Miss Heywood could always find a willing partner."  
"Yes, but with you, we can be sure Charlotte..." her mother began,  
"is treated with respect." her husband finished the sentence. Sidney was honored to be trusted so much.

Her parents were aware that there were a lot of not so nice people out there and they gave him the task to take care of her. Although he was convinced that Charlotte could take care of herself, he would rather accept this task than the burden that another father had put on his shoulders. He smiled at the thought that Charlotte would certainly not be thrilled if she knew what her parents had done.

"I hope I won't betray your trust in me." he said earnestly. 

The Heywoods smiled at each other as if they were having a conversation he did not understand. As darkness fell, they gathered everything up and went back to the house. The mother and the little ones ran up with Charlotte. Sidney would have liked to have a few words with her, but he remembered himself that the day after tomorrow the journey to Sanditon was coming up and he could spend hours with her in the carriage. In a very confined space. He hoped then to get to know her even better.

"Mr. Parker," said Mr. Heywood and stopped to force more distance between them and the others.  
"I know you have other things to do than take care of my daughter, but I..."  
"It is my pleasure to do it, Mr. Heywood."  
With a look that seemed to say more than the approving nod, Mr. Heywood seemed satisfied with the answer.  
"Although I... I'm a little different when I play the businessman," Sidney said more to himself than to the man next to him as they walked along.  
"The burdens of work and life make you different, but deep down you're still the same person." Mr. Heywood said wisely.  
"But, if it's too much for you, you can always come and visit us." Mr. Heywood looked at him with a grin, "anytime."

"Thank you, Mr. Heywood, I would love to come again. It is really a heavenly place you own here.“

When they entered the house, Charlotte and her younger sister Alison were busy putting the youngest children into their beds. After a brandy in Mr Heywood's study, Sidney wandered into his room. He was surprised when he entered the room and found Miss Heywood lying under the bed. She seemed to be looking for something, and her little moaning noises made it clear she was having difficulty reaching it. Sidney closed his eyes briefly to block out the image that was forming in his head.

"Miss Heywood," he then said, and knelt beside her on the floor, and just as he bent down to look under the bed, she crawled out from under it so quickly that she hit her head and turned red as she rubbed it and looked at him embarrassed. The sight was adorable, it lifted his heart as she knelt there and bit her lip.

"Mr. Parker."

Questioningly he looked at her and waited for an explanation, although he had to admit it didn't matter to him at all. She pulled out a box from under the bed and held it in front of her like a shield.

"Marbles," she said, as if that was explanation enough.  
"Ah." 

Sidney had not noticed that she was about to get up and leaned on the bed. Suddenly she stood looking down at him. The angle from which he looked up at her was surprisingly beautiful and he leaned back on his heels to enjoy the view a little longer.

Charlotte was a little confused. His gaze and the position he was kneeling in front of her was somehow...strange and her thoughts wandered in a special direction, but it forced her to leave immediately. She took her eyes off him and he got up. He was pretty close. Too close, actually. She took a step back and pushed against the bed. Her eyes widened in shock and although he would have loved to do something else at that moment, he took two steps back to give her space.

Her heart was pounding, why had she done that? Her brothers and sisters had asked her to get the marbles, but she could have waited until the next morning and asked him to get the box. Or one of her siblings. But she always seemed to find excuses to come near him or his room. Secretly inhale his scent, which was hanging in the room and did something to her. The memories of all those moments here in the room, they were so... precious. She was afraid as soon as they were in the carriage or arrived in the mysterious Sanditon that everything would be different between them. 

"I'm sorry" she murmured, and although she wanted to escape from the room, she stopped where she was, "I sometimes forget that I can't come in here, so.....“  
"It doesn't matter, you can come whenever you want."

Their eyes met and lingered for a while. The silence streched and the only sound were their breath. 

"Yes, I'll just..." Charlotte pointed to the door and walked slowly as if she hoped he would say something else. Wringing his hands, he thought about what he could say, but it was only when she was already at the door that he thought of something.

"I look forward to show you Sanditon, Miss Heywood."

She smiled this enchanting smile that made his heart pound twice as fast and also put a smile on his face, which in turn softened her knees.

"Me too." 

Her voice seemed a little breathless, either because they were alone again in his room or because of the promise that hung between them.  
He couldn't say it. They lingered a moment longer until footsteps on the stairs made Charlotte leave.


	7. Grumpy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the last day in Willingden....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so hope you enjoy this little one...

Sidney now not only went swimming every morning, but also went for a walk along the river in the late afternoon. However, he never had the pleasure of meeting Miss Heywood, although she returned to her tree every morning and spent most afternoons walking along the river with her brothers and sisters. He caught himself stopping on the way and looking for her and he swam with a great gesture, hoping that at least once she would look up from her book and discover him. But she seemed completely absorbed in her novels, that's what young girls read, isn't it? Maybe he should just ask her about it.

As he was about to return to the house on the last day in Willingden, and was already busy with his thoughts of Tom and working for Sanditon, she stood on the path and seemed to be waiting for him. Sidney stopped in surprise and enjoyed her sight for a few moments. The afternoon sun put a reddish tinge to her dark hair, which lay soft on her shoulders. Her otherwise dull brown-red dress glowed brighter, emphasizing the contrast to the lush green grass around her. She stood there with a smile on her face, which made him stumble as he approached.

"Miss Heywood." he greeted her cheerfully and she introduced him to the dog in her arms,  
"Grumpy."  
"Why, are you always in a bad mood?" he tickled the dog's ears, inevitably touching her arm. Both looked at each other briefly, but still pretended not to get warm for a moment when they touched.  
Charlotte cleared her throat and explained that the little puppy was always the last to eat, because his siblings always pushed him away and out of frustration he always bit the toys of her siblings to pieces.  
"And since he's not as fast as the others, he just stops at some point on the way and I have to carry him." They laughed and Grumpy apparently knew that he was being laughed at and growled briefly.  
"He's terribly cute", Sidney confessed and stroked him, careful not to brush her arm again.  
"...even if he is in a bad mood?"  
"Yes." He looked briefly into her glittering eyes and the words that were on the tip of his tongue stuck in his throat. He knew someone else who was terribly cute, even in a bad mood, but perhaps that was not what you should tell a young lady. Sidney was sure she wouldn't want to hear something like that.....

„So, erm ready for the great adventure tomorrow, Miss Heywood?" he swallowed to get rid of the lump in his throat and she answered with an energetic nod.  
"Oh, yes, I am so ready!"  
Why her words caused a strange feeling in him, he couldn't say for the life of him, and while he was still thinking about the reason, she had already pressed the puppy into his arms. His brown fur shimmered in the glow of the sun and his big eyes looked at him as if he would start crying any moment.

"Be right back." Charlotte called and ran to the shore to get something.  
"there it is..." she held up a big book, and since he couldn't see the title, he asked what she was reading.  
"Oh, that's just one of those greek philosophers I like." She blushed slightly under his gaze and turned to walk. He knew this feeling she was giving him. It was astonishment.  
"Which one? I like Heraclitus the best.“ But so as not to embarrass her, he rather says it to the puppy in his arms.  
"Mine too." She said in a calm voice and glance over to him for a moment. Sidney smiled at her and then looked somewhat embarrassed at the path in front of him. Oh that smile! Charlotte thought and she had to control herself not to stare at him all the time.

"Miss Heywood I wanted to..."  
"There you are at last!" cried Alison, who came out to meet them from the house,  
"Ally what's wrong?" Charlotte asked in surprise,  
"Dr. Fuchs is here to see you Mr. Parker!"  
"Oh." Sidney had disappointment written all over his face, but neither Alison nor Charlotte noticed, as the two young ladies hurried to the house together with a quick step. However, before she entered, Charlotte turned to him once more and waited by the door.  
"Hmm?"  
"Grumpy," she said. And a warm wave ran over him, a grin spread across his face, he chuckled briefly and then said in a rather dark voice, as if he were hoarse  
"Do you think we've gotten to the point in our relationship where you can give me nicknames?"  
Surprised and blushing furiously, Charlotte stammered an apology  
"...the puppy, I mean the puppy.."  
"Ahh." was Sidney's response not because he was disappointed with her answer, but because their eyes locked for a moment too long. While their movements also paused. For a moment, both hold their arms around the dog, and had Grumpy not made a slightly weeping sound at that moment and let them part, Mrs. Heywood would have found them standing at the door.

When Charlotte had taken the dog to the kennel to the other puppys and washed her hands in her room, she wanted to go back to the kitchen to help her mother with dinner, but was then prevented from doing so by Dr. Fuchs, who asked her to assist him again.

Dr. Fuchs was one of those people who never did anything unplanned and always came too early. He was a very precise man and through his business relationship with Mr. Tom Parker, he naturally wanted to provide good service to Mr. Sidney Parker as well. The strings had to be pulled, but it was almost dark in the small room, although the early evening sun was still shining outside. So he was glad when he heard the young Miss in the corridor and he asked her to hold the candle.

A bit shyly she came into the room and Mr. Parker, just about to take off his shirt, stopped and paused briefly. He then turned his back to her and sat backwards down on the chair. Placing his arms over the backrest and so Dr. Fuchs had a clear view of the well-healed wound.

"Oh, you've taken good care of that, gnädiges Fräulein."  
Dr. Fuchs looked at her proudly.  
"I didn't...that was Mr. Parker himself," she tried to explain, although she could hardly grasp a clear thought when Mr. Parker looked at her over his shoulder and smiled softly. His face took on an even warmer tone, as the setting sun barely snapping through the trees outside the window. The colours he was now immersed in reminded her of one of the small paintings Father collected in a box. Whenever he came from London, he would bring a new little painting of some painters who imitated the great painters who hung in museums. The older children were always allowed to choose a painting, which she had never done before, as she preferred one of the new books that Mr. Heywood also always brought along.

"So bitte... hold the candle like this." The doctor adjusted her arm and before he even looked at the wound, the doctor pushed her in front of Sidney and told her to hold the candle sideways around his shoulder.  
"That works better."

Distracted by her closeness and the intoxicating scent he had missed so much, Sidney hardly noticed the pulling on his back. He flinched only once briefly and his gaze bored into hers. As if she was speaking reassuring words to him, a warm blanket of calm lay over him. Once he had to draw in the air more sharply and it seemed to him as if he saw tears glistening in her eyes. The thought that she might suffer with him made him smile and she smiled back.

"Healed well, very well. Mr. Parker..." only at the sound of his name, Sidney could take his eyes off her and thanked the doctor, who then turned to the table to put his utensils back into his bag and left the room quite quickly. Slowly Sidney got up and Charlotte was forced to pull back her arm with the candle, otherwise they would have touched. As if rooted to the ground she stopped where she was and stared at him while he slipped his shirt over. As he buttoned it, he came around the chair and blew out the candle in her hand without another word.

The golden evening sun shone only weakly into the room and the heavy scent of the candle lay between them as Sidney thanked her for the help in this rough voice. Her neck hair stood up and although it was a pleasant feeling, it had a forbidden undertone. She swallowed and let her gaze fall as he took the candle from her stiff fingers and placed it behind her on the table. The warmth in her cheeks became even hotter as his arm briefly touched hers.

"Forgive me," he whispered towards the table.  
"Of course." Charlotte almost felt suffocated by those words. She couldn't move, even though she knew she had to go.

Sidney wanted her to stay there and let him wallow in her warmth and magical scent, even though he knew it was dangerous. Only when she gasped for breath could he look at her again.  
"I'll be right there," he whispered and she dared to take a quick look before she left the room without another word.

It took Sidney a few minutes to finish dressing and gathering himself. He was glad that Dr. Fuchs was travelling with them to Sanditon. There was something between them, he was sure it was Willingden. It would certainly pass as soon as they stopped meeting every day.  
"Yes, that's how it will be." he muttered confidently to himself before the images flooded his mind. Charlotte in the water. Standing by his bed. Her hand on his skin. Her eyes. This smile.  
And the ever questioning voice inside him saying "is this really what you want?"

Doctor Fuchs stayed for dinner and only afterwards went back to the small hotel. And after Charlotte had put the little siblings to bed, she put the last things for her journey into her travel box. When she wanted to go back down to her father to ask for that picture, what was haunting her mind, she passed Mr. Paker's room. She heard him speak softly.

"Well, it's my room. You can't just sneak in." Charlotte wondered which of her siblings might have lost their way in Mr. Parker's room.  
"Or are you lost? Were you looking for Charlotte?" At the sound of her first name, her heart lifted  
"I would rather go there," her heart was pounding wildly.....and there he was at the door. Surprised to see her, but not angry that she had apparently been listening.  
"Oh", Charlotte felt the blush rise to her cheeks again, she never thought she would blush one day, like the young women in the novels she read. But she did. Every single moment near him.  
"Miss Heywood. I suppose you've been looking for this young man?" he asked, amused holding Grumpy in his arms.  
"Oh...oh, yes, yes, of course!" she took the dog from his arms and briefly they touched. Her fingertips and his forearm. Pushing this feeling aside for later, she looked at him briefly and hesitantly said goodbye to him.

„Good night, Mr. Parker.“  
"Good night, Miss Heywood."


	8. a carriage ride to Sanditon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The carriage ride to Sanditon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the support, the comments and the kudos.  
> I am very happy you enjoy this story!

As soon as the first bird chirped, Charlotte got up, washed herself and was barely dressed when she was already running down the stairs. Today, a new chapter in her life would begin, today she would travel without her parents. And not only to her aunts in the next village, no in a modern fashionable Seaside resort.  
What she will experience there! The sea, which she only knew from her father's collected pictures! What it felt like to bathe in the sea? The air should also be completely different. All the new people she would meet. And the pleasures. In any case, there would be a ball, to which she had sewn a charming new dress with her mother. It had been her mother's wedding dress, which they had now covered with new fabric and embroidered with appliqués. Would society notice it? What would Mr. Parker think if she wore such a beautiful dress for the first time instead of her linen dresses? Would he like it?

Charlotte shook her head. How could she think such a thing? He would know, of course, that she hadn't bought it new in London. He'd see that underneath the enchanting embellishment was an old linen dress. Besides, it made no sense whatsoever that he'd see anything different in her than a country girl... ...an acquaintance. A friend perhaps, but certainly no more. He was so natural ...with her. She wondered if it would stay that way when he was back in his real world, where he didn't depend on getting help from her and her family. Would they still be so friendly with each other?

Sidney felt her presence before she could make herself known in any way. Her energetic presence made him fidgety, too. He was never nervous. Not at business meetings, not at social gatherings. Especially not in the presence of young girls. Or women in general. But around her, he was so aware of his surroundings. The perception of her feelings had become so natural that he worried about what it would be like in Sanditon when they didn't have so much to do with each other anymore and he had to return to London. Whether they became strangers again?

Slowly he turned to her. She already had her travel clothes on, but not yet a coat or hat. Her cheeks were flushed with excitement and she seemed to bounce, although she stood there quite still. Her liveliness also made his heart beat faster. It was a strange feeling.

"Good morning, Miss Heywood."  
"Good morning, Mr. Parker, I see you're saying goodbye."  
Asked Charlotte with a smile and he looked down at Grumpy in his arms once more and cuddled the little dog.  
"Yes, I... I kind of took him into my heart." He looked Charlotte right in the eye and you could almost think he wasn't talking about the dog.  
"I don't think Father would mind if you kept him."  
Sidney laughed briefly and then explained that he could not take care of a dog.  
"Why not? It's not that difficult."  
"You're right, Miss Heywood, but I'm away on business a lot and I'm afraid that I well, that I would neglect him."

At the words Charlotte's heart was opened. She had never met a man who cared about animals. Well, maybe it was the men she'd met before. None of them could afford the luxury of caring for a dog. An embarrassing silence fell over the two of them until Grumpy wriggled in Sidney's arms and jumped down.  
"You see, he's already running away," laughed Sidney, and they both walked slowly to the carriage that was waiting.

Doctor Fuchs was just talking to Mrs. Heywood, but then greeted Charlotte with a kiss on the hand and Sidney noticed her slight blush and found her indescribably sweet at that moment. They had already been in many exciting situations, yet such a physical greeting seemed to suprised her. What will it be like to dance with her? What she will look like in an evening gown....the thought made him come to his senses and he now walked down the row of siblings to say goodbye.

When he arrived at Mrs. Heywood, she invited him once more to take a break from his stressful life at any time.

"Mrs. Heywood, it would be my pleasure to come again! Thank you." He smiled honestly.  
Mrs Heywood was even smiling, but for another reason. She could see and feel the tension growing between her daughter and this agreeable young gentleman. Betting with herself she was sure, there was more to come.

Mr. Heywood squeezed Sidney's hand a little harder and looked him straight in the eye.....as if to warn him without words. Sidney barely nodded in agreement that he would stick to the agreement as far as he could.

Charlotte got in the carriage first and as Dr. Fuchs sat down next to her, Sidney had to take a seat on the opposite bench. But that didn't bother him any further because he could watch Charlotte that way. For the first few hours the two men talked in general about politics and Tom's plans for Sanditon. Charlotte listened attentively, but except for a smile or a narrowing of her eyebrows, she kept out of the conversation.  
It was only when they reached the coast that she seemed as excited as she had been in the morning. She stared out the window to see the sea and her eyes got a longing expression. She slid so far forward on her seat that she touched Sidney's knee and a warm beam passed through his leg and into his stomach.

"What's it like to swim in the sea?" she asked without looking at him, and of course he immediately thought back to the morning when he saw her in the water. He had to swallow and could not answer immediately. She looked at him.  
"It's different...because even when it's cold, the waves and the swirling sand make it seem warmer...it's..."  
"Will you show me?"  
What? She couldn't be serious. They cannot go swimming together.  
"Erm...well, there are the bathing mashines at the beach."  
"Oh, I see, can't we go swimming together?"  
Sidney really had problems to answer it, because in his mind's eye the pictures of her were floating in the water, only in her underdress and he next to her... he swallowed.

"Mein gnädiges Fräulein, that may be possible in your village but not in a fashionable Seaside Resort," Doctor Fuchs fortunately came to his aid.  
"Oh." Charlotte bit her lip in embarrassment. She was ashamed of her naive assumption.  
To change the subject, Sidney then began a conversation with Doctor Fuchs about the healing powers of seawater.

After that, it was quiet for a moment. And while everyone indulged in their thoughts and Sidney studied Charlotte's face as she stared happily and excitedly out the window, he heard a whimper.  
"What was that?" he asked around, but Charlotte didn't seem to hear it and looked at him questioningly.  
"There! Again!"  
"Oh no." she said and slid down from her bench and leaned forward on her knees crouching under Sidney's seat. His heart was pounding louder and louder in his chest, because the sight was very ...... disturbing and ....she ....she touched his leg with her shoulder.  
"What?" he asked quite harshly, but he wanted her to go away, she was really too close. And this sight, coupled with the images in his head...  
She leaned back on her heels and looked at him. Her eyes glistened. 

"Forgive me, I... Oh, no!"  
He looked down at her lap. And he looked into big, loyal eyes of Grumpy. Sidney immediately grabbed his new friend and clawed him behind the ear while he was still lying on Charlotte's lap.  
"But what are you doing here?" he ask in a soft voice.  
"I think he likes you," Charlotte said with a wry grin and Sidney couldn't help but grin back at her and shake his head at Grumpy.

"You shouldn't carry it around all the time, Fräulein." the doctor warned,  
"otherwise you spoil him too much."  
"Yes, you're right," she sat Grumpy next to her and got up again, but at that very moment, there was a bump in the road and she fell forward. Quickly, with his reflexes, Sidney's arm shot forward and held her up. Their eyes locked for a moment until Charlotte sat down again. Only then did he let his hand fall from her arm. Though he hadn't felt her skin, his hand was tingling. It was truly irritating.

Charlotte lowered her gaze and Dr. Fuchs began to question Sidney about Lady Denham, whose estate they had driven past earlier. While he was answering the doctor's questions, he kept looking over at her again and, as in Willingden, he caught her more than once looking over at him, too.

They finally arrived in Sanditon and at Trafalgar House. They were already expected by Mary and the children and Tom joined them. He greeted Dr. Fuchs and Charlotte and then hugged his brother very warmly.

"Uncle Sidney who is it?" cried one of the girls Tom introduced to Charotte as Alicia. And as soon as the children discovered Grumpy, they were beside themselves with joy.  
"This is Grumpy..."  
"Oh, you brought him to us?"  
"Uncle Sidney you're the best." the children shouted in confusion and Mary looked at him questioningly.  
"Actually, no... so Grumpy invited himself anyway."  
"Oh Mama, can we keep him...please..." the kids were shouting all over each other.  
"No, it's uncle Sidney's dog." with these words Tom pushed his children into the house and accompanied Dr. Fox to the hotel with a servant.

"So Miss Heywood, I erm... I take my leave."  
"Oh, don't you live here?" was that a dissapointed look?  
"No, I erm...I'm staying at the hotel."  
"I hope it's not because of me," she blushed slightly and Sidney answered perhaps a little too hastily,  
"No, no, of course not."  
"I mean, I hope I'm not taking away a room from you."  
"No, no, this has been planned for a long time, because I'm meeting my friends there."  
"Ahh."  
"Hope Grumpy don't mind?" but he would rather ask her.  
"Oh, no, no, he knows he don’t belongs to you." Charlotte seemed not to speak about Grumpy.  
"Perhaps he will." Sidney didn’t thought about the dog either.

Their eyes met briefly,  
"Come on, Charlotte, I'll show you to your room. You can take the dog with you." Mary said to Charlotte, and she just turned to her.  
"Thank you." and with a shake of the head of the two of them, Mary went ahead into the house.

Grumpy was whining as Sidney left, but he didn’t hear it, as he hurried to the hotel.


	9. a new houseguest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our two are kind of parents to Grumpy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go again... hope you enjoy

"So Charlotte, hope you like it."  
"oh, of course... I never had a room all to myself." Charlotte said to Mary, somewhat overwhelmed by the luxury.  
"Come in first and then come down for tea."  
"Thank you."  
Mary touched Charlotte's arm briefly and then left her alone.

After Charlotte had admired the room, with the silk bedspread and looked out the window, she freshened up and put on a clean dress. She pulled a coarsely knitted scarf out of her travel box and laid it next to the door.  
"Come here, my darling." she said to Grumpy, pointing to the scarf to lay on top of it. The little puppy tiredly toddled over to her and lay down on the scarf. Charlotte tickled him just behind his ear until he fell asleep, and then laid out the room as best she could with the newspaper the maid had brought her.

She walked down the stairs, and heard the loud voice of an elderly lady from afar, and was curious to know if it was the great Lady Denham. She had just entered the room when Tom Parker explained  
"Miss Heywood is a very fine young lady...."  
"Oh, is that her?" The old lady seemed annoyed.  
"Lady Denham, this is Miss Charlotte Heywood."  
"How to do?" Charlotte asked nicely and curtsied. She felt a certain presence that made a warm shiver run down her back, but she couldn't turn around to look. Inside, she knew who was behind her anyway. Lady Denham seemed to pierce her with her gaze.

"Well, a healthy looking girl, but nothing remarkable about her."  
Far too surprised to be hurt, Charlotte took her words in, but also the annoyed sigh that could be heard from the corner of the room behind her. Lady Denham glanced briefly past Charlotte in the corner but said nothing. 

"Where are you from?" asked the lady rather ungallantly.  
"My father owns a small estate in Willingden, ma'am."  
"Ah a farmer then, the dying breed..." She remarked that industrialists were the future, but Charlotte's ears could hardly hear it. She had the urge to turn around, even though she knew exactly who was standing in the corner. 

"How many brothers and sisters do you have?" asked the lady.  
"eleven, ma'am."  
"Eleven? Eleven? Well, then, you must find yourself a fortune."  
"I didn't..."  
"Your parents sent you here to find a fortune."  
"Oh, they didn't, ma'am."  
"Of course they did." her words left no room for an argument.  
"Lady Denham." said Mary vehemently, and Lady Denham only hinted that Charlotte should sit down with a young woman on one of the sofas, as she had business to discuss with Mr. Parker.

Whether Sidney was also sent away, she did not really know, because his gaze prevented her from thinking clearly. She smiled at him to show him that she appreciated his gesture and thanked him for it. Had anyone ever thanked him for an annoyed sigh? Hardly ever.

If Lady Denham wasn't the biggest investor in Tom's Sanditon project, he would have said something, but his hands were tied. However, with her insolence, he couldn't suppress the perturbed sigh. There were many remarkable things about Charlotte. Two were looking at him right now.  
He resist her gaze and bowed to her and Miss Clara, but stopped at the door when an elegant blond gentleman and a beautiful redheaded young lady entered the room. 

"Oh, Sidney, old friend." Sir Denham turned to Sidney and they greeted each other friendly. The gentleman stopped then when he saw Charlotte and stalked her with a look that made her instantly uncomfortable.

"Enchanted to make your acquaintance," he said in a greasy tone, and Sidney rolled his eyes behind him, making Charlotte smile.

"Oh, now I see..." Sir Denham looked again at Charlotte and then at Sidney and patted him on the shoulder before hurrying to his aunt. The beautiful young woman at his side walked gracefully behind him. Since the words of Edward Denham, Sidney stood at the door somewhat embarrassed, but then decided to leave when Charlotte was pulled back onto the sofa by Miss Clara and involved in a conversation about Seabathing.

Sidney of course kept coming back to Trafalgar House, it was to discuss business with Tom, have tea with the family and have dinner. And each time he offered to take Grumpy for a walk and each time she let him pick up the puppy and bring it back later. Sometimes he was wet because he was swimming in the sea, sometimes dirty because he had rubbed himself in the dirt, and sometimes both. The morning before the evening ball he was so dirty that Charlotte decided to give him a bath. She was allowed to do it in the small garden near the kitchen in a wash bowl. Of course, Grumpy was not thrilled about being dipped in the warm water and truly being washed with soap. He kept trying to run away and Charlotte laughed so heart-rendingly wonderful every time that Sidney, who was about to steal some of the cook's delicious bread in the kitchen, stopped and sucked in the scene in front of him.

His heart seemed to swell to three times its size when he saw her playing with the little dog and she didn't care to be splashed by him with the already dirty water. For a brief moment Sidney allowed it to happen......in his imagination he replaced Grumpy with a little child. His child. The heart that had been beating so excited in his chest slowed down and the whole room seemed to disappear. All he saw was Charlotte. Her hair in wild curls buzzing around her head, her face lit up by an inner glow, chasing Grumpy as he jumped out of the bowl again. Knowledge pervaded him. Tears tickled his eyes. A feeling of warmth inside. The knowledge consciously and indelibly burned into his brain. He did not know this feeling, but ten years ago he had felt something similar and it had almost destroyed him.

Frozen in his movement, he saw Charlotte captured Grumpy and press him against her. She looked up and their eyes locked. She made a welcoming move and he couldn't resist and went to them.  
"Miss Heywood."  
"Mr. Parker, perhaps you could help me?"  
"of course."  
Grumpy became restless in Charlotte's arms and before he could escape again Sidney grabbed him by the neck and put him in the bowl. He held him tight and although the little guy was whimpering, Charlotte was finally able to wash him properly. She soaped up his dirty fur. And tried to loosen the solid lumps of earth as gently as possible. They were both crouched next to each other and her arm grazed his. Their finger touched accidentaly.

"Sorry you have so much work to do with him." Sidney tried to make conversation.  
"I don't mind."  
"Yes, but it's my fault..."  
"That's right Mr. Parker, you really shouldn't allow him to play in the dirt."  
She smiled at him. Sidney tried to defend himself in a playful tone.  
"He's quite stubborn when it comes to what he wants."  
"I can't resist him either..." she mumbled.

Charlotte looked up at him and suddenly the density of the air around them changed. Her smile disappeared and Sidney's hands loosened the grip on Grumpy. As if the little puppy sensed that something was about to happen that he would rather not witness, he climbed out of the bowl unnoticed. Charlotte's grip on the bowl became tighter and Sidney's hands slid there as if by magic. He opened his lips slightly and moved imperceptibly closer, although they were already too close anyway. His chest pressed imperceptibly into her upper arm, her breath went rapidly, her eyes widened in anticipation. 

Grumpy couldn't stand the tension anymore and began to shake his wet fur. The spell was broken when both jumped to their feet in shock. Charlotte bent down to wrap Grumpy in a towel.

"Charlotte!" ripened Mary as she ripped open your door.  
"Mary!"  
"Here you are, come. Your bath is ready."  


This was exactly the image Sidney had needed in his collection about Charlotte in his unseemly thoughts and he immediately turned his eyes away from her as she approached and pressed Grumpy into his arm.  
"See you later, Mr. Parker." she pressed out and her rough voice did something to his body that he could not hide anymore.  
He shivered.  
"Miss Heywood."  
Was all he could say before he stood alone with Grumpy in the kitchen garden.


	10. the ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the ball pushes them both to their limits....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a Birthday gift to my friend Charlotte Parker!  
> Hope you enjoy.

Charlotte tried to relax in the bathtub and look forward to the ball. But her thoughts kept wandering back to Mr. Sidney Parker and the tension he created in her. Earlier with Grumpy, it was almost strange like a distant dream and yet so present in her mind. What would have happened if Grumpy hadn't sprayed them wet... the thought alone made her body react in this strangely strange way. This tingling and heart pounding, these feelings she had never known before Sidney Parker came into her life. She wondered if he would dance with her tonight.

Later, when Mary's girl had put her hair in a fashionable style up and put on her dress and the new blue shoes, she looked at herself one last time in the mirror and hoped that she would be asked to dance at least once. Hopefully Mr. Sidney Parker would ask her. If he would like her dress?

As she entered the assembling room, Charlotte was immediately overwhelmed by the warmth, the noise and the heavy air. She met Miss Clara and Miss Esther on the dance floor after Mr. Tom Parker had asked people to dance. Her gaze wandered, but she could not yet see Sidney. A slight disappointment was felt when she thought that he might not come after all.

But he came. He recognized her immediately, even though her back was to him. He almost tripped down the stairs when he couldn't take his eyes off her neck. Eagerly he greeted his brother and hoped that in the 3 seconds not some random gentleman would ask her to dance. When he and his friends finally stood in front of her and the other two, he introduced the ladies and gentlemen to each other and hoped no one had heard his voice soften as he pronounced her name. They locked eyes for a blink of an eye, but then he could only look in her direction once. 

She was breathtaking. 

The dress underlined her natural beauty and emphasized her femininity in such a way that Sidney thought he really had to break his oath and ask Miss Clara instead. He felt sweat breaking out and run down his spine. He swallowed, clenched his teeth and turned away.

He could not bear the thought of Crow or Babington asking her, he closed his eyes briefly when his friends chose their dancing partners. Then Sidney saw with relief that she was still standing there. Embarrassed that she was the last, she sucked her lips in and looked up at him. 

She was so lovely. 

Comely and cute. In this innocent white dress. Soft and young. And such a beautiful sight. Bright like the sun and shy. But also overwhelming. Sensual. Alluring. It almost broke him. But...

Her eyes. 

He sank into them and never wanted to dive to the surface again. What did she do to him?  
He lost. He was lost. In her.

Without taking his eyes off her he bowed and she curtsied a little wobbly. Perhaps she felt the tension as well? He put himself in position. As her hand lowered onto his arm and he felt her small waist under his fingers, he heard her gasping slightly. Sidney tried to leave as much space between them as possible, but he wanted to do exactly the opposite.

Charlotte seemed uncertain in his arms. Whether it was because she hadn't danced much in Willingden or because it was with him, he couldn't say. But her shy look and uncertain smile kindled a fire in him that he could hardly supressed. He looked away and they danced around embarrassingly insecurely, twice she even stepped on his foot, but she could not apologize for it because her voice was not working. 

When he stopped looking down at her, she could think again and tried to talk to him. Her voice trembled shyly but found the right words to get him to look at her again. His look was as if he had only now realized with whom he was dancing and he seemed happy when the dance was interrupted because of the arrival of Miss Lambe and the Beauforts. Charlotte was disappointed when Sidney stepped away from her as quickly as possible to greet Miss Lambe. He had already told her about his ward, so she had thought he would introduce them, but of course she was not important enough to him. 

Charlotte closed her eyes to save her thoughts about her stupidity for later and opened them again with a deep breath. In front of her stood Sir Edward Denham and asked for the next dance. Since she was here to dance, she seized the opportunity. Besides, she had to concentrate on the steps and had no more capacity to waste a thought of Sidney Parker. Well, the thoughts were not wasted. But he wanted to get away from her as quickly as possible, probably she had imagined everything. Oh her thoughts drifted away again and oh there he was in the row across the line. But he avoided her gaze and so she tried that too.

The disappointment was heavy on her. She really had that special feeling when they gave Grumpy a bath today. He was so close. His chest leaned tight and hard against her arm and his face was so close that she could see a tiny mole under his eyes. Under the right one it was darker under the left one less. The color of his eyes was a dark chestnut brown by the light that shone on him. Her cheeks glowed as she thought about the feeling. The warmth that emanated from him as he moved slightly closer. 

But no, she must have imagined it. For the little wrinkle between his eyes had been deep, he must have been angry. He probably wanted to say something, but then didn't because of the dog. Even when she put Grumpy in his arms, he was so strange. He hadn't even said goodbye, just her name. With his teeth clenched. His eyes averted. She knew something bothered him.

Well, he had looked like that the whole time they were dancing together. Just because no one else wanted her, he had asked her and not even that. For he had only bowed briefly before he took his position, slightly annoyed. And then when Miss Lambe came, he was gone faster than her siblings when they were supposed to clear up the table. 

She sighed. Shaking her head, she looked for a quiet place and found herself lost in thought on the balcony above the dance floor. She was upset for her assumption that they were friends. How stupid and naive she was.

"A penny for your thoughts, Miss Heywood."  
"Oh." Frightened, she took a step back, not realizing there was someone on the balcony. Not just anyone. A certain someone. If only she'd known he'd be there, she wouldn't have come up the stairs.  
"I... forgive me." she said hastily and looked around excitedly, she should leave immediately.  
"That's not necessary." He knew something was wrong. Embarrassed, she looked at him briefly and then leaned back over the balustrade.

"What do you think?"  
"Oh, well ... well," she was looking for something  
"It's hard to make people out."  
"Did anyone in particular provoke that thought?" His heart started pounding in his chest.  
"No, of course not..." she cleared her throat and yet felt the blush rise in her cheeks. Like he knew she was thinking about him the whole time.  
"People in general."  
Sidney didn't buy it, he felt something holding her back.  
"Charlotte" oh no! That wasn't supposed to happen, startled by his slip, his eyes widened.  
"Mr. Parker." She looked at him with those big eyes, warm chocolate. And they sparkled.

This is proof, Charlotte thought, he sees me as a child, so he calls me by my first name. Oh, that hurt. In her chest. Tears tickled her eyes.

"I'm sorry." she murmured and turned to leave.  
"What's wrong?" He grabbed her arm. His touch burnt like fire.  
"I erm..." Charlotte was looking for the right words. She had to think about what to say. As long as she didn't look into his eyes.  
"What is it?" Embarrassed, he lowered his gaze and his hand.  
She did not answer.  
"Did someone hurt you?" His sincere concern moved her to tears and she could not stop them from gushing out of her eyes.  
"Charlotte..." she flinched almost imperceptibly. But he saw it.  
"Miss Heywood ... what is the matter?" Charlotte couldn't help it, she shook her head.  
"Nothing, Mr. Parker."  
"Tell me what's wrong." He got angry.  
Why didn't she tell him what happened? Alarmed, he looked around, had someone cornered her? Oh, he'd promised her parents he'd look after her and now she was crying.  
"Mr. Parker, please."  
"Char... Please tell me who hurt you!" he almost yelled.  
Suddenly she looked at him. Piercing. Her lower lip was trembling slightly. Her look seemed to tell him. He seemed to say... You.  
"I...? what did I...?" but the next moment she was gone and left him dazed.

Later in his hotel room, he saw her standing there. The tears. What had he done? Oh no!  
She had interpreted something wrong. Was she hurt because he hadn't continued the dance? Had her parents perhaps told her about it and she was disappointed in him? Yes, that must be it. Was it? Maybe she felt close to him because of her longer acquaintance, yes or maybe she was homesick.  
He was so sorry. He had to apologize, but how could he do that? 

Well, he should probably stop drinking. Then go to sleep and ....or go right over there?  
Because of Grumpy he would see her anyway tomorrow, so maybe they could go together? Maybe they could talk?  
Talk about what? That he was a bad friend? That he didn't feel like looking out for her? For her irritating proximity? 

He slept very restlessly that night. What could he tell her? He kept hearing his name on her lips. And how her first name had slipped out of his mouth! How it felt to have her so close while dancing. He could hardly admit to himself that he... that he was... thinking of her.

"Mr. Parker." Oh, the way her voice sounded.  
"Charlotte" It felt good to have her name on his tongue.  
"Mr. Parker, please." Her tears and that pain. He could feel it.  
"Charlotte" One name kept swirling around the other, back and forth.  
"Mr. Parker" Sidney tossing and turning.  
"Charlotte" He was tearing up his bed.  
"Mr. Parker, please." full of longing.  
"Charlotte" Full of lust and desire.  
"Mr Parker" Full of joy and laughter. Her smile.  
"Charlotte." Fear. What could he do?  
"Mr. Parker" breathless.  
Charlotte. Friends. Mr. Parker. Charlotte. Willingden. Charlotte. Laugh. Mr. Parker. Charlotte. Her eyes. Charlotte. This warmth. Grumpy. Charlotte. By the river. Her body. Charlotte. Trembling. Mr. Parker. Charlotte. Desire. Charlotte. This feeling. Mr. Parker. Charlotte. Charlotte. 

With the full realization he jumped up on his bed. On his lips a name.

"Charlotte Parker."


	11. insightful dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the insightful dream, how many more signs does Sidney need?  
> Can Grumpy help?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot happens in this chapter, but still not enough....

Oh. That was not good. Although a smile on his face said the opposite. It was so unexpected. This dream! Well, not really. After all, he'd felt it before in Willingden. The attraction he had for her. Her closeness was so reassuring. And yet arousing. Not in that forbidden way, that too, but not only.  
Sidney shook his head and ran his hands over his face several times. Alone at the thought of her, his heart beat faster. That smile. Her eyes. As honest as they were. She was so loving and intelligent. A few times, in Willingden, he had heard her discuss Greek philosophers with her father.

He had to find a way to talk to her, apologize for his behavior on the ball, he has to tell her that he liked her. More than liked her, which he had trouble admitting. The fear of ever loving again and get hurt was too great. Besides, she didn't know everything about him yet. How dirty and worthless he felt. She was too good for him. He would never deserve her. This wonderful, warmhearted creature who seemed to have a heart of gold. Dogs could tell.  
Grumpy.  
Ha, that dog had to help him. He had to get her to go for a walk with Grumpy and him and they could talk. Yeah, he should try that.

With renewed courage, he stood up and shaved and carefully selected the brightest vest he had to look more friendly. And secretly Sidney wished to match better with her. With her light-colored dresses.

"Sit here!" Charlotte said vehemently to Grumpy to stop him from running after her again. After all, she didn't want one of the workers to stumble over him and get in trouble.  
"Please, I just want to go up there for a minute..." she pointed to the scaffolding,  
"then I'll be right back." Grumpy whimpered miserably and Charlotte almost went soft, but suddenly the little puppy stood up and wagged its tail excitedly.  
"Oh, no," Charlotte thought, because she knew exactly who was coming towards them without turning around. She got up and ran quickly to the ladder and climbed it up as fast as she could so as not to run into him. 

"Hello my little one" she heard the dark voice of Sidney Parker.  
"come here."  
Of course Charlotte couldn't resist to look back and now she became soft and just had to smile at the sight.

Sidney Parker. Tall and broad and irresistibly handsome, bent down to the woolly little fellow and crawled him behind the ears. It had become a sort of ritual between the two of them, which she could observe every time Mr. Parker came to pick up the dog and take him for a walk.  
Grumpy stood there with his tail wagging, waited for the crawl behind his ears and then jumped up at his chosen master until he softened and took him in his arms. He held it away from his face a bit, because he didn't want to be licked. It looked like the two of them were having a serious conversation during which Sidney heard from Grumpy where Charlotte was, because he suddenly looked up and saw her standing up there. 

Half engaged in a conversation with his brother and Mr Stringer. A small twinge of jealousy ran through him as he saw Mr Stringer smiling at her, but Charlotte did not seem to reciprocate his advances or simply not notice them. She pointed at the houses and talked to Tom until he noticed Babington and Crow and came down the ladder as quickly as possible. Shortly afterwards she came after him, but immediately tried to leave the men alone and disappear.

"Miss Heywood." Oh, no. She stopped and took a short breath, then turned to face him with her chin up.  
"Mr. Parker."  
"I erm..." Sidney seemed to be looking for the right words.  
"I thought you and Grumpy... erm and I erm..."  
"yes?" suddenly her heart was beating faster and she waited anxiously for the rest of the sentence.  
"could possibly, if you want to..."

Charlotte noticed how she slowly moved closer without really being able to stop it. She found it incredibly charming that this tall, broad man with the sweet Grumpy in his arms had not only forgotten what he wanted to say, but also a slight blush made his cheeks glow. Had she known this feeling that was spreading inside her, she might have smiled. But since she had no idea, she suppressed this urge and looked at him expectantly. Finally she was still hurt.

"Could we possibly go together..."  
"Sidney!" cried Tom at that moment, but Sidney didn't let himself be distracted and pressed the last words out so quickly that Charlotte was not sure if she had understood them correctly.  
"...for a walk."  
Full of astonishment she gasped for breath, but by then he was already involved in a conversation between Babington and Crow. For a moment he looked at her again and hoped for an approving smile, which she couldn't give him because of her surprise.  
Grumpy's soft whining made her look down and then she indicated to him to come with her.

Since she did not meet Mr. Parker that day or the next day when he came to pick up Grumpy, she already believed that he was not serious. At Lady Denham's Luncheon, they had sat next to each other, but the tension between them was so great that she could hardly breathe. The conversation he kept trying to have with her, Lady Denham interrupt them immediately.

When she insulted Miss Lambe and no one came to her aid, Charlotte could no longer hold on to herself and defended Miss Lambe. She tried to get Mr. Parker to testify, but he said only that Miss Lambe knew about his opinion in this case.

It was only when some calm came, Charlotte could think about it. It was of course not alright that he didn't rush to help his ward, but Lady Denham was the biggest investor in Tom's Sanditon project and his hands were tied. If he insulted Lady Denham, she withdrew her money. He had already noticed this several times.

"Now Miss Heywood."  
Frightened Charlotte looked up from her plate, she hadn't realized what the subject was and looked at the lady with big eyes.  
"Tell me, are you still pretending you're not here to find a rich husband?"  
Charlotte laughed for a moment, she thought it was a more important issue.  
"No, I'm not, ma'am." Charlotte noticed how Sidney turned his head towards her, but avoided looking at him.

"I'm not thinking about marriage at all, and if I did, wealth wouldn't come to it." now she looked Sidney straight in the eye. By Lady Denham's pointed remark  
"Poppycock." Charlotte's attention was drawn back to her again.  
"Shouldn't marriage be built on love and mutual affection?"

Charlotte spoke her mind vehemently, but Sidney only heard her words, over and over again in his head. Love and affection. Wealth is not important to her. Love and affection. Both feelings he had tried to suppress and was afraid to admit to himself. Until now. 

The next day he missed Miss Heywood again when he went to fetch Grumpy for a walk by the sea. It was also more of a spontaneous visit, for he was annoyed by Tom and the boozing with Crow and Babington that he wanted to go for a swim.  
When he arrived at the cove, he dropped Grumpy off next to his clothes and told him to sit there.

Sidney swam a few laps. Always facing the shore and well-behaved, as the little dog was already, he sat next to Sidney's boots and seemed to watch him in the water. When his legs and arms slowly got tired, he knew he had to go back. To get a clear head as well, he dived under and swam with strong strokes towards the shore. When he felt the sand under his feet he stood up and wiped the salt water from his face.  
When he had freed his eyes from the salt water, he looked towards the shore with a grin and was shocked. 

Grumpy had disappeared.

Charlotte knelt on the stones and pushed those in front of her apart to get to the glittering something that caught her attention. It seemed to be a silver coin or something and the urge to dig it out was so great that she was completely unaware that she was not alone.  
Only when something moist touched her hand did she look up and was amazed to see Grumpy in front of her.

"My little one, what are you doing here?"  
Grumpy answers with a pant.  
"Where is your master?"  
Grumpy answers with a soft whimper.  
"What's wrong with him?"  
Grumpy toddled over the stones in the direction he had come from. Suddenly, an uneasy feeling in her stomach, Charlotte got up, her knees aching a little. In her hand, her little treasure she had found, but now had forgotten all about it.

She ran after Grumpy, who clumsily stumbled over the large and small stones, and if Charlotte had not suddenly panicked that something had happened to Sideny, she would have found it cute. She ran around a rock and 

"Oh!" 

There he stood. Naked. Water dripping from his body. She could not take her eyes off a drop of water and followed it with her gaze. Down his chest, to the path of dark hair. Only then did she seem to notice what was happening and turned around in horror.

"Miss Heywood," he said calmly.  
"Mr. Parker." her voice slightly shrill and nervous.  
"Grumpy, where have you been, I was worried." he lovingly scolded the little dog while he put his shirt on.  
"He's... he came..."  
Charlotte waved her hand around and tried to put into words what had happened, but was a little confused about what she had seen.  
When suddenly his big warm hand closed around her wrist, she gasped loudly for air and stared at Mr. Parker. He had his shirt and his breeches on again, which she noticed as she glanced down for a moment.

He said something and smiled at her embarrassed. Distracted by his sudden nearness, she could only look at him with her big eyes. Since Sidney felt the same, a few moments passed without anyone saying anything. Only his gaze wandered briefly between her eyes and her lips. Of course it was Grumpy who destroyed the moment again and gave a still developable bark.

"Yes, erm..." Sidney cleared his throat and then remembered why he was holding Charlotte's arm. He turned her arm toward him and with his other hand opened her fingers. They gasped for air as his cool fingers brushed across her palm. They looked at each other with sparkling eyes.

"Where did you find this?" he whispered in a shaky voice.  
"I found it back there." Charlotte whispered back and pointed in that direction with her free hand. Her heart trembled. A warm feeling crept up her back. Goose bumps spread across her arms. She knew it was important what Sidney would say next.

"Charlotte," oh her name again. A shiver ran down her spine, she longed to hear it again in that tone. Warm and dark.

"Yes, Sidney?" Oh, that just slipped out. His eyes pierced hers, a slight smile played around his lips. He shook his head almost imperceptibly.  
"What is it?" she asked, now slightly nervous again.  
"this is the amulet of my mother."


	12. Aletheia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte gets to know the secret behind the amulet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's a new chapter, hope there's enough Grumpy.

"Your mother's amulet?"  
"Yes, I...erm... had lost it."  
A shadow flitted across his face when he seemed to remember it.  
"What happened?" Charlotte asked full of sympathy.  
Sidney looked at her as if he only now realized she was standing in front of him.  
"I erm..." He didn't really want to tell her. He didn't want to be reminded of that dark time in his life.  
"I can't do this now..."

Sidney turned away from her and wiped his eyes for a moment, leaning against the rock to put on his boots. Although she had seen him naked a few minutes earlier, and she closed her eyes briefly at the memory of it, she found watching him put his boots on somehow even more intimate. Her cheeks blushed even more.

"What?" he asked somewhat curtly and looked at her with this angry frown between his eyebrows. That brought her to her senses.  
"nothing."  
Charlotte shook her head, walked a few steps on shaky legs and put the amulet on the rock without looking at it. Without another word or even a glance at him, she then walked with quick steps in the direction she had come from. 

Charlotte heard the stones and shells crackle under her feet and she felt that someone was following her. She turned around briefly, expecting it was Sidney, but it was only Grumpy. With his big brown eyes, he looked at her sadly. Sidney...Mr. Parker had had the same look and she couldn't help but pick up the little dog and help him over the stones. 

Crak. Crack. It was only her boots that could destroy the shells and secret treasures hidden beneath her with one step. Oh, that was a sad thought, but maybe she could remember it to write it down later.  
The path was a bit shaky, but finally she made it to the edge and let the dog jump from her arm into the grass. Barely on the grass she started running. She wanted to be as fast and as far away as possible when Mr Parker came along the path. 

She did not even turn to him as she hurried away with quick steps. Sidney was sad, not only because the amulet had reappeared and opened old wounds. But that he took his confused feelings, out on her? Why of all people she had found it? He had to explain it to her. Finally share his insight with her.

Back at Trafalgar House, the children were arguing about Grumpy and the nanny had been asked to go down to the river with them and the dog, after they had all had a small meal in the kitchen.

"Charlotte!" cried Mary.  
"Mary." Charlotte tried to smile, but it did not reach her eyes.  
"what's wrong?"  
"Nothing I..."  
"Sidney.

Charlotte took off her hat and the servant also took off her coat, but of course she avoided looking at Mr. Parker. She was still upset from their encounter. His image reappeared in her mind's eye. ... as he stood there, glistening wet in the sun. Big and beautiful. His hand on her arm, his deep brown eyes resting on her, only to suddenly be so cold and distant again.

The moment Charlotte was about to sneak up the stairs, she heard Mary ask  
"Where did you find the amulet?"  
"Actually, Char...Miss Heywood found it."  
"Charlotte?" cried Mary, waving her into the room.  
"Yes?" Charlotte bit her lip as she stepped back in the room.  
"Where did you find it?"  
"Down at the Cove. Among the shells and rocks."  
Mary looked at Sidney with a questioning look and raised her brows.  
"But you said you lost it."  
"I did." Sidney did not seem to feel well, he looked down at the floor and avoided eye contact with his sister-in-law. He looked up only once briefly at Charlotte, who did not know what it was all about.  
"Strange." Mary said. "how can that be?"  
"I don't know, I ...erm...I have to go..." Sidney bowed briefly and left. Why he had come to Trafalgar house in the first place remained a mystery to everyone.

Mary then asked Charlotte to have tea with her. And although Charlotte was so curious what was all about the lost amulet, she did not dare to ask.  
"What do you think of it?" Mary held it in her hand and looked at it.  
"It's very pretty," admitted Charlotte, who only now realized it was a heart shape.  
Mary tried to open it, but it didn't work.  
"What a pity I can't get it open... hmm... there was such a beautiful engraving."  
"Maybe it can be fixed?" Charlotte asked.  
"Sidney should see it. He has a knack for delicate things."  
"Yeah?"  
Mary looked at Charlotte with some surprise.  
"Why don't you believe?"  
"No, I just... erm... didn't appreciate him that way."  
"how?" his dark baritone came from the door. The two women didn't realize he had returned. He had apparently changed in the hotel.

"Oh Sidney, come here and try to get it open. Remember that line?"  
"I think so..." he glanced briefly into Charlotte's eyes, then took the little heart from Mary's hand and recited  
"Love is made...no...composed of a single soul..." he faltered,  
"Inhabiting two bodies", Charlotte kept saying involuntarily.  
Their eyes met. A frown and a slight smile played on his face.  
"This is Aristotle", Charlotte tried to explain herself.  
"Yes." He seemed surprised.

Mary looked back and forth between them, then pointed Sidney to sit down and he tried to open the medallion. Charlotte, offended that he had forgotten that she liked Greek philosophers, drank her tea in silence and lost herself in her thoughts.  
"I thought you liked Heraclitus," he remarked without lifting his eyes from the pendant, and her heart awoke briefly before returning to its resting place.

"I know the others too, Mr. Parker," she replied in a pretended arrogance.  
"I know you do."

She looked at him briefly and suddenly the picture came together. His naked body in the sun in the hidden cove, a poem by a Greek philosopher in his mother's amulet. He must be a Greek god. She giggled amused for a moment. Blushing, she bit her lip and immediately repressed the thought.

"There." apparently he had managed to open it, he smiled slightly and pushed his arm over to her to show her the amulet. Mary grinned, she felt forgotten by the two of them, but she didn't say anything, she just kept watching.  
Charlotte leaned over his hand and watched the piece. Her index finger hovered over the jewel, but of course she didn't dare touch it. A strange feeling crept up her back.

His fingers slowly closed around his mother's long lost jewel, despite Charlotte's finger just touching it. As her fingers touched for the briefest of moments, their hearts tingled.  
Charlotte's breath faltered briefly and her cheeks glowed as she pulled her hand away, but it seemed to last an eternity.

"Here." He lovingly placed the piece in her hand and she could see much more now.  
Astonished, she shook her head, what a coincidence that she had found it.  
"I suppose your mother liked Greek philosophers too."  
"What makes you think so, my dear?" asked Mary, who felt she had to show them that she was still there.  
"Well, there's a saying by Aristotle engraved inside, but on the front is this picture..."  
"this is Alethia, goddess of truth," Sidney explained.  
"well, erm...there's something on the back too." She leaned closer, but weather conditions and the sea had damaged the engraving and the picture and inscription were almost unrecognizable.  
"those..." she murmured.  
Sidney smiled slightly and then, somewhat absent-mindedly...  
"those who are hardest to love, need it the most."  
Charlotte whispered the second part and tears glittered in her eyes. It was beautiful.  
"Socrates," he whispered.  
"I know that." she teased him.  
Mary cleared her throat quietly, offered them both another cup of tea, and leaned over a little towards Sidney.  
"I think you can tell Charlotte."

Now he looked somewhat alarmed and Charlotte tried to talk Mary out of it. Sidney seemed quite embarrassed and Charlotte was in almost physical pain to see him like that, obviously he didn't want to share this family history with her. She got up and apologized a few minutes later. Through the quotes of these great philosophers, the thought of before came back to her and she wanted to write it down before she forgot it again.  
She pulled out her journal and tried to remember...

Then she wrote it down. Thinking about the stones, how they creaked under her shoes, how Grumpy couldn't go any further and she helped him over the stones on his way.  
She smiled at her little work, she thought about how she could keep writing,  
when there was a knock at the door.  
In a good mood she went and ripped the door open and was astonished to see Mr. Parker there.

"Mr. Parker."  
"Miss Heywood," he bowed his head briefly.  
"I erm... hope you weren't too much... embarrassed... earlier, down at the cove."  
Charlotte was just about to answer when something damp ran past her leg and into her room.  
"Oh Grumpy, no!" she shouted and Charlotte ran after him as he disappeared under the bed.  
"Come out of there!" 

He looked at her with his love look and pushed himself further under the bed.  
When she was halfway under the bed, she suddenly saw a pair of boots on the other side, and a moment later, Mr. Parker, bending on his knees and with his long arms, grabbed Grumpy and pulled him out.

"There you are." he growled and got up again. He still shook his head over Grumpy, who was fidgeting in his arms, as he turned to the desk and saw her poem lying there and instinctively read it without asking first.  
Charlotte, who knew it was there, reached out to hide it from him.  
"leave it, it's beautiful."

beneath the weight  
shells, delicately broken  
secret treasures hidden  
stones on your way  
let me carry you henceforth '

"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet." he whispered. Charlotte stood still, lightly shocked.  
"Plato," he replied and their eyes met, "how right he was."  
"Mr. Parker..." it was barely a whisper.

"I erm...was once engaged." he rushed to admit it before he lost the courage to tell her.  
She gave him a light nod. He avoided her gaze and stroked the dirty Grumpy in his arms absent.  
"She didn't want me... just like my mother's amulet, she thought it was too...cheap."  
Charlotte gasped for breath in disbelief.  
"Once upon a time, it had been a gift from my father to my mother," he smiled at her briefly.  
"but that evening I drank a lot and just wanted to be alone. I found my secret place there for the first time..." the brief memory that she had seen him naked ran through his mind, Charlotte nodded and she too lowered her eyes.

"When I woke up the next day, I didn't have it anymore." His voice sounded sad. As if by magic, Charlotte put her hand on his arm to comfort him.  
"but now we have it back." at the word he turned his head to her, but she seemed to have said it unconsciously.  
"yes,we have."


	13. confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney has some business to take care of and in his absence Charlotte realizes something....  
> Grumpy is once again to blame for a certain situation...

Grumpy leaned his head towards Charlotte and looked at her with his knowing eyes as Sidney walked out with him. He muttered something about washing the dirty dog and said his goodbye. All day long they did not see each other again, until later that afternoon he announced he had to go to London. Charlotte was incredibly disappointed, but tried not to show it. Only in the evening, when the family went for a short walk on the beach, he spoke to her again. 

"Miss Heywood." She looked at him expectantly.  
"May I ask you to keep an eye on Grumpy while I'm in London?"  
"Of course."

Their eyes got entangled and it was as if a whole conversation was going on between them, although they both remained silent. Grumpy between their feet and they both laughed. Then he wanted to play catch and jumped up on Sidney until he ran after him.

The days passed and Charlotte distracted herself with visits to Georgiana, the beach and with the children. But she realized there was something missing. Missing someone. She was so used to having Sidney around that she only now realized how much he had become part of her life. He was her connection to Willingden and although there were moments when he confused her and she found him strange, she did not want to miss him.  
She wondered what that meant. Perhaps she was homesick?

Sidney did his business within the first two days in London. The third day he spent with his lawyer. On his way back to Sanditon, he put another plan into action.

Two days later Sidney arrived at Trafalgar House and met only Mary. He asked, casually to find out where Charlotte was and learned that she was with Georgina. But when he found his ward alone at Mrs. Griffith's, he was filled with worry.

"We split up to look for Grumpy, we just lost track for a moment." Georgiana seemed genuinely worried.  
"Where have you been?"  
"Everywhere. We took a big walk by the river and then he was gone. She wanted to search the river one way and I wanted to search the other. But then Mrs. Griffiths insisted on going back to town."  
"All right."

After searching everywhere he had been with Grumpy before, he ran into town to ask if anyone had seen a dog and Charlotte. Half an hour later, he found Charlotte outside the hotel. She was holding Grumpy on a leash that she had apparently made from her hatband. She froze for a moment as she felt him coming closer, but then relaxed as soon as she recognized him. 

"Hadn't we agreed you would look after him?" he asked in a teasing tone.  
But Charlotte was not in the mood and took it the wrong way.  
"He does what he wants and just runs away." She was furious, he could tell. The little line between her eyebrows deepened when she gave him a nasty look and he suddenly wasn't convinced it was a good way to say hello.

"And this is my fault?" he mumbled.  
"Yes of course, you spoiled him."  
"Me?"  
"Yeah. You ....you hang out here“ she points to the entrance of the hotel, "and...your swimming... and..."  
"And you always just sit home and be good?"  
"Oh, is that what you want?"  
"What?" surprised by the turn of events in this conversation, or rather argument, he falls silent.  
"You want me to sit here and wait for you and take care of him by myself..."  
"This is complete nonsense."  
"Nonsense? So I'm talking nonsense?" she burned with excitement and he had to admit to himself that he found it incredibly appealing.  
"What's wrong?" he asked, trying to stay calm.

Charlotte stared at him. She didn't know. What was wrong with her? Why did she yell at him in the middle of the street, no matter that people heard her. She was breathing heavily. Looking around, then running towards Trafalgar house, dragging Grumpy behind her. Sidney was furious. What was that, what was wrong with her? What had he done? She was not herself. At Trafalgar House, he could still hear her scolding herself as she ran up the stairs. Confused as he was, he didn't think and followed her. 

"What is this all about?" he grumbled.  
"What?" She was a little surprised to see him in her room, but that didn't stop her from attacking him.  
"You want me to take care of your dog, and the minute you come back, you give me a yelp that I didn't take care of him properly." she shouted.  
"First of all, it wasn't serious and you know it."  
"how should I know?" she cried.  
"You know me well enough by now!" he yelled back.

Unfortunately, he was right. She knew he wasn't serious. She bit her lip, but kept staring at him. Sidney slowly came a step closer and said in a calm voice.

"And it's your dog."  
"He's not."  
"Yes, he is. He finally snuck in the carriage to be with you."  
"He did that because of you."  
"Ha, why would he do that?"  
"He wants to be with you."  
"But why?"  
She shrugged her shoulders.  
"Love."

And as this word left her lips, she suddenly became very calm. Her heart was pounding violently in her chest. Her stomach turned a few times in all directions. But...?

As this word slowly crept around his heart, Sidney gasped for breath. He lowered his eyes to Grumpy who had unnoticed take place on Charlotte's bed, looking at him with his faithful eyes. Sidney stroked him just behind his left ear and then pointed his head to leave the bed and although no word was spoken, Grumpy obeyed immediately.

Sidney cleared his throat.  
"He loves you too," he murmured and turned to go.  
"Mr. Parker." Surprised, he looked at her."I'm sorry."  
He nodded.  
"I don't know what's wrong with me." she honestly admitted and stroked her hair.  
"Maybe I'm homesick...and." but luckily the rest of the explanation stuck in her throat, she could hardly tell him that she missed him.

"Ah, yes...then I have something for you", he said and reached into the inside pocket of his jacket. She looked at him in amazement.  
"You've been home?" her voice took on a strange tone. 

She had a lump in her throat and tears welling up in her eyes. Reaching for the bundle of letters in his hand and their hands touched slightly. But no one pulled the hand away and when they looked into each other's eyes again it was as if the room was expanding. The setting sun made little golden mica shine in her hair. The air flickered.

"Yes."  
"What were you doing there?" her voice could hardly be heard if they weren't so close. 

Sidney remembered how warmly he was welcomed there and how everything became clear to him as he walked with Mr. Heywood over his estate.

"My boy! I'm glad to see you."  
"Thank you, Mr. Heywood."  
"I hope everything is fine with Charlotte?"  
"When I left Sanditon, she was fine."  
"You're on your way back?"  
"Yes."  
"We're not exactly on your way, so I guess you have a particular concern?"  
"Yes, I have."  
"Well, tell me."

With her big doe eyes she looked at him expectantly.  
"Well I... erm... I was so comfortable with you..." she got all warm.  
"...with your family...that I wanted to relax and think clearly for a day."  
"Do you have so much on your mind?"  
He nodded and looked at her embarrassed. One could almost think he looked a little shy.  
"What kind of thoughts?"  
"What happened in the last few days." Sidney avoided her gaze.  
"What exactly do you mean, Mr. Parker?" her heart lifted for a moment.

Exhausted and lost in thoughts, he sat down on her bed where Grumpy had sat before and buried his face in his hands. He moaned and then reached into his inside pocket again and pulled out a small package. Charlotte thought it was a small gift from her parents, so she opened it and was gasping for air when she saw what it was.

"What...?"

She respectfully stroked his mother's amulet. Freshly polished it shone in the last rays of the sun that danced through her room. Charlotte noticed that the engraving on the back was renewed and admired the filigree writing.

"It looks as good as new," she murmured. Sidney didn't answer, just took a few deep breaths before he looked up at her. Smiling, she handed it back to him.  
"Keep it." His voice was a rasping sound that tickled down her back.  
"But it's yours." her eyebrows tightened insecurely.  
"You found it."  
"Yes, but it means so much to you..." 

Sidney closed her fingers around the amulet and she stopped breathing for a moment.

"It's yours if you want it," he whispered.  
"Your heart can never be mine." she breathed.

"...it is already yours, Charlotte."


	14. coolness of the heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his confession, Sidney is flooded with uncertainty.  
> Can Charlotte admit how she feels about him?

Her eyes were fused with his. She said nothing. She just breathed. 

It dawned on him that he had crossed the line. The line of friendship. It was over.  
He was stupid enough to lose his heart again to someone who didn't feel the same way. Slowly, Sidney released his gaze and fingers, but she reached out and held them. It was warm, so pleasantly warm. Their fingers were now firmly connected. Only the coolness of the heart lay between them, which slowly took on the temperature of their intertwined fingers. Her fingernails pressed lightly into his skin, making him believe it was real. That she was real. Charlotte.

Sidney dared to look at her and she looked down at him, her eyes deep brown and full of emotion glittering in the setting sun, which conjured golden rays of light into her room. It reminded him of Willingden. The days when he was confined to bed and she had to look after him. The light shone at such a strange angle that he had to blink a few times. It was flickering. He got up suddenly.

Charlotte craned up to him as he towered over her. Her heart pounded wildly in her chest as he leaned closer. The tingling sensation filled her mind. It was everywhere. Sidney gently placed his forehead on hers and breathed her in. Immersed in her scent that hadn't let him sleep soundly since the first night. It had changed, slightly, but there was more salty air mixed in. 

His nose stroked her cheek tenderly and he heard her gasping shakily for air. At first he did not move. Slowly he began to draw light circles with his thumb on her hand, which was still intertwined with his. The heart in their middle was now as warm as her delicate skin. That she allowed him to touch her in this way was the most beautiful gift he had ever received. He would never let her go.

After a while he raised his forehead slightly from hers. So slowly that she had the chance to react. Leaning against him, Charlotte open her eyes and closed them again. Her cheeks were slightly flushed. Her breath stroked his cheek and as he turned his face a little, his lips tickled. Sidney closed his eyes, the sight lingering in his mind. Then he felt a tingling sensation. Her lips floated in front of his. The feeling completely engulfed him until he could no longer hold it back. The urge to taste her lips. He had to take the chance. So outrageously slow he let his hot lips slide over her soft ones. A loving touch. It was heaven.

Time. Time disapeared.  
Charlotte had no idea how long they'd been standing there. How long their lips had barely stopped touching. She swayed slightly and leaned closer to him until her lips pressed tentatively against his. He sighed. Suddenly she felt his hand on her back. Warm and firm. It was so unexpected, frightening and yet it felt so right. He followed the contour of her spine until his long fingers touched her tender neck. She gasped for breath without lifting her lips from his.

Breathtaking gently he let his fingers run over her neck until he embraced her face. Her skin was tingling where he touched her. So light. A warm wave flooded her body as he tightened his grip. Sidney lifted her intertwined fingers between them and somehow pressed her even closer to him. A strange sensation crawled in places she had never felt before.

When Charlotte leaned more firmly against him and he felt her soft perfect femininity at his chest, he groaned with lust. It was so unexpected and yet he had been longing for it for weeks. It hurt in his chest, the feeling of unbelievable happiness. It flooded through him and the desire for more let a pleasant shiver glide through his body. The anticipation of what was to come. 

Charlotte breathed so heavily as her soft lips parted slightly from his. As if she wasn't ready to really let go, she tightened her grip on his vest. He was so absorbed by her lips and her scent that he didn't even notice that her hand had moved to his chest. 

"I love you."

he confessed breathlessly. The words floated between them as she whimpered lightly, strengthening her hold. Tenderly, he stroked her cheek and released his lips further from her. He chuckled in relief. It was such a magical sound that Charlotte wanted to hear it again and clumsily pressed herself against him. But he didn't chuckled anymore, a rumble deep from his chest vibrated in her body as well and the parts that had been tingling slightly before felt like they were burning. The feelings were overwhelming. It scared her and yet she could not stop. Closer. She wanted to be closer. Closer.

He let go of her hand and embraced her waist with his strong arm. The hand on her cheek slid to the back of her head and pressed her so tightly against him that she shivered. She no longer knew what was happening to her. She was dizzy. Could hardly breathe. Sidney caressed her lips, but he didn't dare go any deeper. Careful. Be careful.  
Slowly, he soared back to the surface. His thoughts whirled around.

Charlotte felt feverish. Glowing. Her eyes fluttered open and looked into his. They were silent. Silence surrounded them. The room was now almost completely dark. The sky outside her window shimmered in a dark blue. It was all so unreal. To make sure that all this had just happened, she let go of his vest completely and slid her hand towards his face. His stubble scratched her fingers slightly as she let her fingertips fly over his face. His eyes glistened. She looked into the deep black and knew she had to say something.

"I've missed you."

His breath was quivering. His heart rose in his chest and he felt as if all his worries were gone at that very moment. Glad it was dark, Charlotte dared to say even more. She briefly closed her eyes to gather herself. His scent strengthened her.

"Thank you."

He looked at her with irritation.

"That you gave me your heart."

the words had much more meaning than the medallion, which she was still clasping with her fingers. His hand, which was buried in her hair a moment ago, reached for her hand on his heart and he led it to his lips and kissed her knuckles. She swallowed. He looked into her eyes and lowered his head. Insecurity flooded through him, as he leaned his forhead back on hers.  
Sidney cleared his throat and muttered.

"We... I think it's time for dinner."  
"Oh."  
"It probably wouldn't be so good if Mary found me in your room."

Embarrassed, he sought her gaze and smiled at her before slowly turning away from her. Her hand slipped over his arm as he moved.

"Sidney."

His heart was pounding in his chest. Her slightly breathless voice, barely a whisper, enveloped it and tears tickled his eyes as he was pulled back to her.

"Yes?"

And with the most enchanting smile on her blushed face, she told him the most important words he ever wanted to hear.

"I love you."


	15. London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the mutual declaration of love, the two keep it to themselves a bit longer. But then events turn upside down with the disappearance of Georgiana...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a little apology for me taking so long, here a longer one.  
> Hope you enjoy.
> 
> keep your distance and stay safe!

They kept their love to themselves a little longer. They didn't want people suddenly paying attention to if and when they were alone. Besides, Charlotte finally thought that he hadn't officially asked her yet. But he had permission. In the letter from her parents, which they had agreed to with joy, he had asked her father's permission to court Charlotte and ask her for her hand.

Charlotte had missed him for the few days he was travelling to London again, in order to get the papers. Grumpy and she walked the usual routes, sometimes alone, but usually accompanied by Georgiana or the children. When she was actually in her room to write a letter to her family, she wandered around and looked out of the window at the street. She saw him coming towards the Trafalgar house and their eyes met briefly as he looked up. The smile of both would have been enough proof of their affection for each other, but the urgent desire to be close to each other and to find each other as soon as possible was even stronger. 

But Tom had immediately secured Sidney's attention, as soon as he had come through the door. Sidney was about to tell Tom about his plans for Charlotte when he started talking about whether Sidney could come back to the banks. But they were interrupted by Charlotte's arrival. In order to stabilize for a moment to see her, Sidney had to look away for a moment. He would have loved to run towards her, but did not want to do so in front of Tom. She was enchanting in her white dress with the light blue dots, the fabric rustling with every little movement. She looked like the sea breeze itself. 

Since Tom was still within earshot in the hall, they formally greeted each other.  
"Mr. Parker."  
"Miss Heywood."  
"I suppose you're here for cricket?"  
"Making some assumptions again, Miss Heywood?" he grinned at her. Charlotte turned slightly to the hall to make sure no one would come, and when she looked back at Sidney, he was standing right in front of her.  
"Oh."

His hands searched for hers and while her fingers were still intertwined he bent down to her and kissed her lightly on the lips. Surprised, she gasped for breath. 

"I'm sorry." 

but his words assured her just the opposite. Her gaze sought his and when she was sure she had his attention, she raised his hand to her cheek and snuggled up to it. Her cheek glowed and Sidney stroked her tenderly over it until she closed her eyes in the sensation of his rough fingers stroking the delicate skin of her neck. It was only when she lost herself even more in the sensation that he noticed the chain that wound around her narrow neck. Carefully and incredulously he followed the silver filigree band with one finger. Charlotte's breath accelerated as he followed the chain further and further.

Completely shocked by what he was doing, he faltered in his movement, but still couldn't take his hand and look away from her. The ruffled neckline of her dress tickled slightly on his finger, under which the chain disappeared. He could only guess where the amulet rested. The deeper meaning that his heart was very close to hers made him almost lightheaded. 

Only when Charlotte raised her face and opened her dreamy eyes did he snap out of his paralysis. As fast as he pressed his lips onto hers, she couldn't react at all and had to claw at him, otherwise she would probably have fallen backwards. Sidney thought of a better way and took the strength out of his kiss, he released himself slightly from her, but immediately pressed his mouth back onto hers. Her little hand, which had been holding on to his arm, now stroked up slowly until it reached his neck over his broad shoulders. Slowly Charlotte stroked it until she managed to get under his tie. The burning sensation of her fingers on this sensitive skin made him gasp for breath.

Breathing heavily, he leaned his forehead on hers again and enjoyed the moment when they were so close and breathing the same air. Thoughtfully she released her fingers from his skin and let them run across his chest. Even though the many layers of clothing were in between, he could feel her hand on his skin. Not the delicate fingers or her warmth, but the gentle pressure. Without thinking about what she was doing, she continued to stroke her hand down and nibble thoughtlessly at the buttons of his vest. Only when her walk was abruptly interrupted by Sidney's big warm hand on his stomach did she open her eyes again. They lost themselves in the depth of each other's eyes and Sidney loosened his grip again, took her hand and kissed over her knuckles.

„Charlotte?“  
„Hmm?“ her voice had a slightly transfigured tone.  
"We must..."

And as if Grumpy was destined to interrupt them again and again, he suddenly stormed into the room and jumped up at his master, who, however, could not yet detach his attention from the love before him. Once more he stroked her cheek tenderly and told her everything with that one look before he devoted himself to the dog at his feet. He had to pull himself together and was not always allowed to forget himself in her presence! Above all he had to finally ask for her hand.

"Ah Sidney!"  
cried Mary, who came into the room behind Grumpy and greeted him effusively. He excused himself stiffly and then said he wanted to go for a walk with Grumpy.

They met again later on the beach to play cricket with all the others. Sidney drew strength from her admiring glances and took aim better than ever before. When she stepped in for Tom, his heart swelled so much that he thought it would jump out of his chest at any moment. As they ran towards each other in the ecstasy of victory, they both almost forgot that they were in company. With lovesick expressions on their faces, they stared at each other until Mrs. Griffith released them from their spell.

Worried about Georgiana, Sidney ran off and searched the town. Charlotte ran to the place where she thought Georgiana and Otis might be, and then went to Mrs. Griffith with concern. She had to tell Sidney and she feared that even if he loved her, he would not forgive her so easily.

"You forgot?" he yelled at her as he ran excitedly through his hair and turned his back on her.  
"I was distracted...and..."  
he moaned in annoyance and took his hat.  
"I'm sorry, Sidney. Please forgive me."  
He looked at her with a look she didn't dare to interpret. Was it disappointment or was it just his deep concern for Georgiana?  
"If anything happens to her, it's on your head. Do you understand me?" he whispered to her.

How well he could suddenly hide his deep feelings for her made her desperate inside. Would he ever look at her again the way he did at Trafalgar House? So in love and overwhelmed with feelings? Without another word, he ran out of the house.

Later, Charlotte begged Mary to let her follow Sidney. But she forbade her vehemently. Charlotte was disappointed in herself and also in him for not taking her with him, but that would not even be possible if they were engaged. But she did not care about the circumstances. She ran up to her room, packed a few belongings and put on a travelling gown. She wrote Mary a little note and left the house unseen to catch the last coach to London. She had to find Georgiana, make up with Sidney, and beg his forgiveness. But first, she had to find the courage to wander around in London at night. She wishes she had taken Grumpy with her, then at least she would not be alone.

Disappointed that she did not find Otis at the address she had gotten from him, she went back to the main street she had come from. A disgustingly smelly guy entered the alley in front of her and blocked her way. Instinctively, she turned around to run in the opposite direction. Suddenly she was grabbed from behind. The brutal guy grabbed her so tightly that the air was pressed out of her lungs, yet she managed to scream. He put his sticky hand on her mouth and she bit his fingers hard. With sudden strength she fought against him, but had no chance. Her thoughts were racing, her heart was pounding in her chest and her throat was burning from screaming. Unexpectedly the weight lifted off her and she heard a loud dull thud as she fell to the ground. A dark, tall figure beat her attacker and the beating of her heart muffled the sounds. The assailant ran away and she scrambled up to face her rescuer.

„Charlotte!“ he cried out breathlessly.  
„Sidn...“ 

but she didn't get any further when he took her in his arms so tightly that she almost lost her breath for the second time. 

"Are you hurt?" 

he whispered into her hair and his hands began to palpate her body to examine her for possible injuries. He didn't even notice what a burning path he left on her body as his fingers slid up and down her arms in search of her. He clasped her face and looked for her gaze. His gaze searched every inch of her face, stroking down her sides and as she trembled slightly he asked worriedly,

"Are you in pain? What did he do to you?" he was furious. 

"It's fine," she breathed.  
Sidney didn't know if he was happy she seemed unhurt or furious that she was even in this situation.

"It's fine? fine?"

his voice became louder and his searching hands intensified their search. The tingling sensation he caused in her body made her close her eyes and press closer to him. With his big hands he moved flat across her back, up, down. Over and over again and she pressed herself even closer to him. Only when his hands came to rest around her face could he look at her again. And he saw her look. 

"Oh, God!"

he shouted before he showered her face with many countless little kisses. And then pulled her tightly again and buried his face in her neck. The adrenaline was still pumping in his veins and the fear and knowledge of what could have happened came crashing down on him. He literally clung to her. With one hand in her hair and the other wrapped around her waist, he spoke words of reassurance, both to her and to himself. 

Now Charlotte leaned firmly against him and put her hands around his middle under his jacket and found her way under his vest. Only the thin fabric of his shirt separated her searching fingers from his warm skin and suddenly this feeling penetrated Charlotte completely.

Her soft, slender body was pressed so tightly against his that Sidney had to control himself very much not to give himself completely to this great feeling. His breath faltered as he realized what her fingers were about to do. He could not stop her, he would not stop her. He pressed his face into her velvety hair and inhaled with deep breaths. Not only to inhale her intoxicating scent, but also to solidify his stance. At first her fingers seemed shy, but then they became more and more impatient and tugged at the shirt as if it was burning under her fingertips.

„Ahh!“ 

he moaned as her hands pressed themselves on the skin of his back, burning hot. The arms he had wrapped around her body pulled her even tighter. His mouth he pressed on her head. Charlotte spread her hands to feel as much tender skin as possible. She also moaned briefly as he tightened his grip on her.

It was a rush that flooded through her. Barely fear and terror and now overwhelming feelings all over her body. She tugged and grabbed, tore and pulled at him and he felt the same urgency to be near her. His hands were everywhere, in her hair, on her cheek. Tender and powerful. The fabric of her dress was stretched to tear as he tugged at her and pulled her into his arms, lifting her slightly and pressing her against the brick wall behind her. The adrenaline rushed through his body and he had to be close to her, sure that she was there. That she was alive and nothing had happened to her. But suddenly he withdrew and was deeply ashamed of what he had done.

"Oh God, Charlotte, I'm sorry...so sorry." he muttered to her hair as he wrapped his arms around her.  
"Don't." she whispered, strengthening her embrace around his center.  
"Charl..."  
"Kiss me," she said softly.  
"We can't..."  
"Please...kiss me." 

and she reached out to him until their lips met in a fire that surprised and swept them both away. His arms were wrapped around her body and the strength his body and his power gave her made her forget the bad situation.  
The desire to be close to her was suddenly so strong as Sidney forgot himself for a short time and his hungry mouth began to lay a burning path of desire. Over her cheek to her throat, where he nibbled and sucked tenderly. A hand suddenly reached into her hair and tilted her head so that he had even better access to her neck. As he stroked the thin skin with his tongue, she began to tremble and this made him forget himself even more and he sucked lightly on the delicate curve between neck and shoulder. Whimpering softly, she pressed her breasts into his chest and pushed her face over his stubble. Until he captured her lips and kissed her so powerfully that she seemed to lose the ground under her feet.

After gasping for air she opened her mouth and Sidney lovingly nipped at her lower lip. The delicate mixture of slight pain and unbelievable desire made her tremble all over her body and this brought Sidney reluctantly back to his senses. He grasped her face with both hands, it glowed with excitement. Her reddened lips were slightly open in anticipation of another kiss and her eyes had a slightly rapt expression as they interlocked with his. Her panting mingled with his own.

"Forgive me." 

he whispered and both were not quite sure if he meant the end of the kiss or that he had let it come to that. He moved away from her and intertwined their fingers. 

"We should find Georgiana." 

Her voice was a scratching wheeze and the sound almost made him push her back against the wall. Sidney bent down to pick up his hat and her bag. He pulled her as close as he could and brought her to the waiting carriage. 

Although he was overwhelmed by feelings that she had put herself in danger of walking around London alone, the feelings of love and the desire to be close to her outweighed. As soon as they got in the carriage, he pressed her to himself and apologized for his behavior in Sanditon.

"I understand, you're worried about Georgiana."

Surprised at her strength and her loyalty to her friend, he thought he loved her even more than a day ago. 

„Charlotte?“  
„Yes, Sidney?“  
„I have the papers“, he said in a rush „and I want to marry you as soon as we can.“ he practically tripped over his words.

Slightly amused by his confused statement and face, when he registered what he had just done, Charlotte laughed. The brief flash of hurt in his eyes, made her take his face in both hands and look at him seriously.

"We will marry soon." she reassured him.  
A happy smile shone on his face.

"But first, let's find Georgiana..."


	16. intensity of feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night of Georgiana's rescue opened Charlotte's eyes, about Sidney and her feelings for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but unfortunately I didn't make it earlier with all the craziness out there (and at home). 
> 
> You're used to shorter chapters from me and those were actually two, but I thought to myself that what belongs together must stay together.  
> So enjoy this chapter, it's the second last....
> 
> Stay safe!

As Charlotte watched Georgiana as she slowly slipped into a well-earned sleep, her thoughts gushed over the events of the previous night. The sheer fear for Georgiana's well-being gave her a strength that surpassed anything she had ever felt in a crisis situation. Her thoughts were clear and ordered. She could calm Sidney, who almost beat Otis, with a single glance, from fear and frustration. That his ward was in this horrible situation because of him. And this guy had truly claimed to love Georgiana. Charlotte felt stupid for ever beliving him.

But all these feelings, which she had not known until then, came back up inside her. The small nagging pain of jealousy when she learned in this "boarding house" that Sidney had been a guest there before and had paid for "love". Even though she didn't really know what was going on behind the doors, she knew that men did. She had often heard the term "indoor sports", especially in the hotel in Sanditon but also in the small inn in Willingden, when she picked up the mail and watched how the ladies left their work and accompanied the gentleman to his room. She was curious to find out exactly what Sidney had done there and why. His guilty look and the temporary loss of his language showed her a completely different side of him. He seemed exposed and embarrassed. He was ashamed and could barely stand her gaze until he blurred out "erm...later... I’ll explain, if you really must know."

But the worst feeling was the all-pervading fear of losing him as he jumped from the speeding carriage onto the carriage of Georgiana's captors. In the blink of an eye, horrible scenarios penetrated her thoughts about what could have happened. If only he had made the slightest misstep! When he jumped off the coach box, her heart stopped for exactly this one beat until he landed safely on the other side and made the coach stop.

She would have loved to throw herself into his arms, but she suppressed this feeling and ran to Georgiana when he had freed her from the monster's clutches. Of course Georgiana needed her now, and she also needed the certainty of being able to hold her friend safely in her arms again. A penetrating look between them had to suffice for the time being, while the journey back to London was a silent one. Georgiana tried to stay strong, but could not help but fall asleep at some point when the events of the last few days took their toll.

Georgiana's calm breathing now in her bed in Bedfrod Place convinced Charlotte that she was fast asleep and this gave her the opportunity to leave the room. She desperately needed a tiny moment alone with him. She wanted to feel his strong arms around her and hear his heart beating. Feel that he was there. The fear she had felt for him penetrated her again, she had to feel him alive and tell him what she had felt. Charlotte never wanted to be separated from him again. She had to tell him that she felt the same as he did. That the need to marry him immediately and that to be close to him in every possible way was vital. When she heard him talking to Tom downstairs, she literally flew down the stairs.

Sidney was physically hurt not to be able to hold Charlotte in his arms, but he didn't want to show their love in front of a heartbroken Georgiana. After leaving the two ladies in the room, he went to Tom to briefly tell him what had happened. And although it was probably the biggest drama their family had ever experienced, Tom managed to talk about his much worse problems right away. Sidney reassured his brother by assuring him to pay for the workers.

"...and because of Mary, you must try everything to make her happy."  
"Very wise brother!" giggled Tom, "it almost sounds like you know what you're talking about..."  
"I hope I do, Tom."  
"Oh, yeah? Who..."  
"Charlotte!" he exclaimed and shocked not only his brother but also himself with the intensity with which he said her name.  
"Our Charlotte?"  
"Yes, Tom. She loves me." the warm feeling flooded through him as he thought of her words, still unbelieving that he was worth her love.  
"and I love her." He got up and poured another port for his brother and himself.  
"Oh, Sidney," a smile spread across Tom's face,  
"since when?" Tom seemed stunned.  
"I think, from the first moment we met." 

Sidney laughed embarrassed for a moment and thought back to their first moment in Willingden as she hovered above him in the darkness of the carriage, with the glint in her warm eyes and the lovely voice of an angel. He hadn't understood it then and had been confused, but she had slowly worked her way into his heart and his walls of solid steel had begun to melt and that began the very first moment they met.

Suddenly the smile on Tom's face disappeared and gave way to a worried expression.  
"But that means... you were out all night, unchaperoned... oh, and..."  
"Tom..."  
"Reputation!" Tom suddenly shouted excitedly and jumped up to run up and down the room.  
"But we're engaged, and I have her parents' permission."  
"Not hers!" cried Tom, shaking his head and staring out the window,  
"if this gets out, what will people think of us, they won't go to Sanditon!"  
"Tom, this is nonsense!" Sidney couldn't believe what Tom had just said.  
"The ’Cesspool of Sin Sanditon’, no one will come! Babington's efforts are in vain!" he screamed desperately,  
"Tom! Really!" shouted Sidney and touched his brother's arm briefly.  
"If you travel through London married, it's all right, you must marry at once to save Sanditon!"

Even though Sidney longed with every fiber of his being to finally be married to Charlotte, Sanditon was really the last reason why he wanted to do it.

"You must convince her to do it," cried Tom as he turned to Sidney and desperately grabbed him by the arms and shook him.  
"I will certainly not marry Charlotte here in London without her family." Sidney said calmly, looking for his brother's gaze, but it seemed a little distant.  
"I don't care!" cried Tom, now completely out of his mind,  
"You never do anything for me or Sanditon!" the words were unfair and untrue, yet they hurt. It was never enough! But Sidney said nothing and took a few steps back before turning to leave the room, he froze in his movement.

"Charlotte!"

Shocked that she might have overheard the conversation, he tried to explain Tom's behaviour and to smooth things over as he approached her

"he didn't mean it."  
"I know you do so much for Sanditon." 

she noticed with an unreadable expression and looked for his gaze. There was some kind of glint in her eyes that Sidney couldn't quite make out.

"I meant the idea that you should marry without your family." he crouched his head and smiled slightly at her.

"I'm sorry, Charlotte!" cried Tom in his suddenly exuberant way.

She nodded shyly and looked at Tom with those big honest eyes and apparently they had a similar effect on Tom as they had on Sidney.

"I'm desperate that it might cast a bad light on Sanditon. I have problems..."  
"I understand." she said calmly and nodded to him.  
"When are you planning the wedding?" Tom asked as if he was really interested.  
"As soon as we can," she replied with a smile and Sidney's heart lifted at the thought that she wanted it to happen as soon as possible, as well. Their eyes locked and their faces shone with love. The two of them forgot they were not alone in the room. Sidney reached for her hand.

"It takes time to get the papers..." Tom pondered and looked at his feet and sighed heavily as if it was a heavy burden for him to carry.  
"I already have the papers..." Sidney remarked absent-mindedly and led her hand to his lips. He was about to kiss her knuckles, as Tom grabbeed his arm and stopped him, 

"Then what are you waiting for?"

Sidney would love to shake his brother or even give him a slap in the face, he really couldn't be serious! The brothers stared at each other, then at Charlotte when she said,

"Yes, Sidney... what are you waiting for?"

The practical thing about having a lord as your best friend was not only that you could be invited to a really exclusive ball at short notice, but also that you could borrow a charming dress for your sweetheart from his sister. Babington had also organised and accomplished other important things which left him forever in his debt.

But as Charlotte glided quietly and enchantingly down the stairs, Sidney's mouth became completely dry. He had never been so convinced of one thing in his whole life as that there was definitely one person too many in the room at that moment. How he wished he could take her in his arms and kiss her. Her soft pink lips almost called his name as his eyes caught on them and he swayed closer as if pulled by a magnet.

But since Tom was standing behind him, all he could do was reach out to Charlotte and escort her outside. During the carriage ride, he stared at her cheek glowing with anticipation as she talked to Tom. How he would have loved to stroke the soft skin of her cheek with his knuckles, following the line of her neck with his fingertips, she now laid her head to one side as if she had heard his thoughts, making it appear even longer. Her excitement literally vibrated out of her and he clasped her hand a little tighter to show her that he was with her. Unfortunately, this was the only physical touch they had been able to do all day. They had not been left alone for a moment since Tom had learned they were in love.

No sooner had they entered the ballroom than Crow called their names and headed for the newcomers.  
"Who is that spellbounded creature, Parker?" he shouted, leaning closer,  
"Since you're into that spunk little Charlotte, why don't you let me take this lady?" He licked his lips.  
"Certainly not." Sidney whispered, clenching his jaw and the hand of Charlotte still clasping in his. Babington giggled softly beside Crow.  
"That's her, you fool!" Babington shouted to him from behind.  
"Oh, I had no idea!"

Later, after they had walked around the room advertising Sanditon, not one moment alone, without observing eyes on them, Sidney couldn't stand it any longer and slowly pulled Charlotte into a dark alcove. He smiled softly at her and leaned in terribly slowly until she broke the distance between them and pressed her lips lovingly onto his. Only a blink of an eye later they stood there tightly embraced and kissed each other deeply until Sidney broke away from her and stared feverishly into her eyes. He moved one step away from her.

"Charlotte..." he whispered and she smiled at him full of emotion at the sound of her name on his lips.  
"Yes?"  
"May I have the next dance?"

The crackle between them was physically felt as they walked around each other and their eyes burned deep into each other's soul. They floated towards and away from each other, but still an invisible bond held them captive. The tingling in his hand as she slid hers into his flowed through his body, drawing her closer than it was proper. He pressed his spread hand into her narrow back. Sidney could feel the vibration of her trembling that his touch caused in her. Her slightly open lips cast their seductive spell on him, that he almost forgot himself and leaned closer.

The beguiling music touched every thread of his body, played every string of the instrument in his heart. Every touch and every movement intensified with the feeling of what seemed to come out of her eyes. She reflected him. The rhythm was slow, backwards, forwards, backwards, his forbidden thoughts whirled around, he felt as if she was already lying under him. He wanted to dive into her, love her with all his senses, become one with her. The sensual seduction blurred into a devoted rhythm.

She danced with a combination of elegance and passion, with a deep fire that blazed in her eyes. Her restraint seemed like a provocation and he completely succumbed to her charm when she smiled innocently at him before she let him whirl her around. 

His arms tight around her as if she were in a solid cage, protected from the wickedness of the world. The warmth of his fingers gnawed through her clothes and burned on her skin. She longed for his hand on her skin without the disturbing clothes in between and she blushed deeply at the unseemly thought. 

At that moment he pushed her away from him before he caught her again and it seemed to her as if he had come one step closer. She felt his leg between hers, it tickles in places she had only felt before when she kissed him. Charlotte wanted to seal this feeling deep inside her. It burned. Her stomach was tingling and she was almost dizzy from the intensity of his feelings he was blatantly throwing at her. 

The ecstasy that penetrated both of them and could be seen on their faces almost made her stumble. They laughed and lost themselves in the feeling of happiness, until the heaviness of their deep feelings rushed across their faces again. Her feminine charms faded into the background as he lost himself completely in the feeling of holding her in his arms and pressing her hand over his heart. The hand on her back grabbed her more strongly, so that he elicited a small groan from her and he knew that her blood was also flowing. When the last sound of the melody faded away, he pressed her a little closer to him and he knew they could no longer suppress it. It was time.

She lowered her eyes, also to catch her breath again. It had been so intense that it seemed to her as if she was still being whirled around by him. 

"Shall we go?" 

he whispered into her ear and when goose bumps formed on her neck and the blush of her cheeks spread to her cleavage, Sidney could no longer control himself and, without waiting for her answer, pulled her behind him off the dancefloor.

The two lovers were about to leave the dance hall when a clear, cold voice, which in the past could have immediately sent a cold shiver down his spine, called his name intimately. But he was happier at that moment than at any other time in his life, except perhaps the moment in Charlotte's room when she confessed her feelings to him.

"Ahh, Mrs. Campion."  
he bowed briefly and was about to walk on with Charlotte by the hand without introducing the two women properly. He had to find out where those goose bumps and blushes were going, he had no more patience for any interruptions.

"Aren't you going to introduce me at all?" asked the blonde woman pointedly and Charlotte was a little baffled by the cold, almost impertinent tone.  
"Oh, yes...erm Charlotte," he smiled enchantedly at the woman on his arm, pointing his head at the lady in front of him without leaving his gaze from Charlotte.

"This is Mrs. Eliza Campion."

Charlotte curtsied and smiled kindly at the older woman. Still slightly fogged by the dance and his overpowering emotions, Sidney almost forgot the rest of the introduction and at the last moment stopped himself from just going.  
A short jerk of his head was all Eliza got from him, for he just couldn't take his eyes off the golden angel next to him.

"Mrs. Campion, this is Charlotte, my wife." His voice dripped with proud.  
"You're married...?" Eliza almost choked on the words as Sidney interrupted her with an almost rude "excuse us."

No sooner had they arrived in Bedford Place than Charlotte began to pull the hairpins out of her hair, and by the time they climbed the stairs he had already stripped off his jacket and vest. When they arrived in his, or rather their bedchamber, she had completely stripped her aching scalp of all hair ornaments, Sidney helped her untangle the curls and also began to undo the buttons of her dress in a hurry as she got out of her shoes. She hardly had the chance to shiver at the light touch of his fingers, as he gave her a warm wet kiss on the back of her neck.

Sidney suddenly stood in front of her again with heated cheeks and his already unbuttoned shirt. Their eyes stuck together, with every movement that followed. Her delicate fingers reached for his shirt and pulled it out of his breeches. His hiss chased a jolt through her body.  
His heart was about to burn as she touched him. Feather-light fingertips danced across his abdominal muscles that twitched under her heat. On his chest, she paused and put her hand over his hammering heart, it beat in unison with her pulsating body. Slowly she continued to stroke up on his shoulders and pushed the shirt off. She wiped it from his arms and then she intertwined her hands with his and rose to her toes to kiss him.

When they separated after a while, both breathed heavily and Sidney's fingers began his journey up her arms. They remained on her shoulders until his lips caressed the soft curve there and moved terribly slowly up her neck. The kisses became more desperate as he grabbed the dress with his long fingers and slowly stroked it down her upper arms. At first his eyes were still fixed on hers, but then he followed the path of the cloth that had caught on her curves. Charlotte sucked in the air as Sidney gently released the silk from her breasts without really touching them. He wiped it off her, and lingered a moment on her hips and kissed her lovingly on the mouth before he let his fingers and lips move further down. Her neck, her shoulders. He left out the delicate parts, he wanted to prepare her slowly for what was to come. But he could already see through the thin fabric of her undergarment that her body was already on fire.

Her breasts pressed almost painfully into the silky fabric of her chemise, as he slowly slipped down her body and burned every inch of her skin with tender kisses. The sight of him, with eyes closed and havy breathing, drove tears into her eyes.  
Sidney lowered himself to his knees and pulled the dress down with him. He ran his knuckles over her thighs and her knees, which trembled slightly. There was a delicate feeling of silky skin under the thin fabric of her underdress. 

The sight of him, this tall, broad man kneeling before her, flooded her with a wave of deep desire. His back muscles danced under his skin in the light of the fireplace as he gently stroked her legs up. She gasped loudly for breath as his long fingers slowly loosened the ribbons of her stockings. Sidney stroked her nacked calves tenderly as he looked up into her face. 

And if her sight was not the most enchanting thing that had ever come before his eyes. In the glow of the flickering fire she stood in the golden puddle of her dress around her ankles and smiled down at him, and he was so filled with love that his heart contracted almost painfully. Shocked at the realization that she felt the same way about him, when he saw the tears glistening in her eyes, it brought him to a sudden stop.

Their eyes remained locked together as he stood up and towered over her. His arms wrapped around her small waist as he tore open the already loose ribbons of her stays, tearing it almost violently from her body, which seemed to vibrate with desire, but her eyes were shining with love.

Charlotte felt completely safe and a warmth surrounded her as she reached out to him and touched is face tenderly, before she closed the gap and kissed him. Her heart pounded in unison with his as he picked her up and finally carried her to the bed.


	17. be alone together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney lies awake after the first night together and cannot believe his luck. He has Charlotte in his arms and the future in his hands. And he just can't resist her...
> 
> And then the two have to organize their future....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little warning: like I finished the last chapter I'm starting the new one...
> 
> This is the chapter before the last!  
> I will publish an epilogue in the next days.
> 
> But I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for all your support and for the kudos and thank you for your lovely comments! 
> 
> And most important thank you for reading and that you loved the story as much as I did.  
> (And yes, I am shed a few tears, again.)

Charlottes scent still lingered on his skin. It was as if she had branded him, and the longer he held her in his arms, the more her aroma sank far under his skin. His big rough hands had touched every inch of her body, discovered every dimple. His fingers that explored everything first until his mouth followed them. Sidney had kissed every beauty mark. Every curve he had caressed with his lips. His name a breath on her lips.

She had turned and jerked under his hands, staring at him with her big eyes and touching him so tentatively that it brought tears to his eyes. So innocent and pure. She became more secure as he, too, held nothing back and at every touch, trembled and groaned her name like a prayer.

This big doe eyes that showed every emotion, the love she felt. How they widened slightly when she saw him fort he first time, as he stripped off his breeches.  
Sweet and innocent, like her pink cheeks and yet enticing, beguiling like the forbidden fruit that she was. It was only after hours of caressing and getting to know each other that he had slipped down her body and tasted her for the first time. It was intoxicating. She made him not get enough, although she was not aware of what she was doing to him. 

Oh, the gasp of his name was a caress. 

They froze for a moment as their souls and their bodies became one. As love drifted from their eyes. It had been so overwhelming that he had succumbed to her completely. With comforting desire he had brought them to salvation. Not a word had fallen from their lips, except their names. But when both reached their peak, love had poured out of them.

"I love you so."

Sidney couldn't believe how happy he was. His heart was still pounding in his chest, even though she had been asleep for hours. The urge to feel her skin under his lips again, was so strong that he began to caress her slowly. Charlotte moved slightly on him and slipped off his shoulder. She sliped on her stomach. The medallion lay twisted between her shoulder blades and the loss of her warmth made his fingers move over her shoulder. Over the cool chain to her neck. There he lifted her hair and kissed the vertebra there. She moaned lightly and drilled her fingernails into his right arm, which was still underneath her. 

As Sidney slowly kissed each inch of her spine, she lifted herself up on her elbows and let her head hang. He bit her tenderly on the bottom and chased a thrill through her body. Only when he kissed the back of her knees did she turn on her back and reach out for him. He was under her spell.

"Good morning, Mrs. Parker," he smiled completely enchanted,  
"forgive me, I just can't resist you."  
"You just need a cool down," she whispered in a hoarse voice and a shiver ran through his body.

Charlotte reached for the bowl next to the bed, he had gotten for her when they were able to part last night. He had lovingly washed her and then kissed her body dry, until he had to fetch warm water again a bit later...

Now it was cold, but she scooped some water into her hollow hand and let it run over Sidney's chest. She laughed while he was gasping for a moment, he grabbed her in feigned revenge. They kissed passionately until their moaning laughter became the vibration that brought both their bodies back together.

Painted by the guilty conscience of having married in London far away from her family, leaving Grumpy in Marys hand and the preparations for the regatta they were already on their way to Sanditon the next day. 

Charlotte wanted to write to her family and let their displeasure at the speedy marriage pass before they would visit Willingden.  
All the way home, Tom was chatting to Sidney about the best location of a house for them, regardless of how Georgiana might feel about it. Although she made no secret of her aversion to Sidney, Georgiana could not help but smile now and then. Infected by the bliss of the newlyweds. Who couldn't help but shine from within.

When they finally arrived in Sanditon, Georgiana could not help but make a pointed remark.

"So you'll forget me like you forgot your dog?"  
"Georgie!" cried Charlotte in horror and Sidney turned to her with a serious face and said at the same moment,  
"never!"

And while they were still standing at the carriage, not only Mary and the children came running out of the house, but also Grumpy. It seemed as he had grown a bit, but you could still see his clumsiness. His fluffy paws still looked a little too big for his gangly legs. He jumped at Charlotte first and then Sidney and licked his hands and wagged his tail excitedly.

"My big one!" 

cried Sidney and scratched his friend extensively behind his ears before greeting the other family members. 

As if Grumpy suddenly realized that he was actually angry with his master and mistress, he retreated to the children and went back into the house with them. Hurt, he hid under Tom's desk.

After Mary was told what had happened in London, she wrapped her arms around Charlotte's neck and greeted her a second time like a sister and then asked them to join for tea.

In order not to continue to upset her loved ones, Charlotte decided to write the important letter to her parents and sent Sidney with Grumpy for a long walk. But the dog seemed to be ill and sat in his not so secret hiding place under Tom's desk and did not let Sidney persuade him. He just looked at him with a very sad look and even turned his back on him at some point. Only when Sidney was able to bribe him with a treat from the kitchen and lure him out from under the table, the little one was ready to forgive his master for his long absence.

They went for a long walk and played with throwing sticks, catching and even hiding. Sidney was like a different person, happy, cheerful and even-tempered. He talked to Grumpy, where the best place for them could be to build their home. And so it took them almost all afternoon to find the ideal spot.

The preparations for the regatta took up most of Charlotte's time, so she hardly found time to talk to her husband, search with him for a common house or for Grumpy. So it was all the nicer when the two of them persuaded her to take a boat trip on the day of the regatta. Sidney tried to teach her how to row and with Grumpy sitting between them, it was rather a difficult undertaking. The two of them had hardly had any time alone in the last few days and when they were finally alone, without being at the mercy of prying eyes, they couldn't help but kiss over the head of the dog. But he could never stand the tension, so he jumped into the water and swam to the shore.

The sight was just too funny how his ears were lying on the water and Charlotte noticed laughing,

"he is jealous."

and then persuaded Sidney to return to shore as well. And as if he had been waiting to show the two of them his displeasure, Grumpy only shook himself off when they were close enough to get splashes.

Since her parents were expecting them after the Midsummer Ball in Willingden, the two newlyweds had the urge to choose a place for their new home before they left. Of course Tom wanted Sidney and Charlotte to live in the town, so Charlotte could continue her work for Tom. But since Sidney was a selfish man, he did not want to share Charlotte so he decided against it.

Sidney trained Grumpy to find his way alone to the place where he wanted to built their home. It was to be a surprise for his Charlotte and he was looking forward to see her face. On the morning of the Midsummer Ball, Charlotte took Grumpy for a walk by the sea where she could collect her thoughts for the visit in Willingden. She couldn't quite interpret their letter, whether they were offended and very angry, or that they had expected nothing else..

After Grumpy was again unsuccessful in trying to catch the waves, she strolled with him through the town looking for Sidney.

"Where is he?" she asked herself, but that was Grumpy's cue and he suddenly took off, so she could barely keep up with him. After a while, she realized they were out of town. The dog was just panting and ran up the hill.

"Oh!"

Charlotte suddenly found herself standing in front of a blanket in the grass, where her husband was waiting for them with a small lunch.

"I thought I'd show you the place Grumpy and I found for our house."

Her heart beat a little faster at his words, she was so much looking forward to the life with him. The longing to finally be alone together, and not in Trafalgar House with all the others, grew with every day they had to be there.

"What do you think of that?"

he pointed to the view around her and it was overwhelming. The grass rushed in the light wind and she could see the sea glistening deep below them. 

"The clifftops are very much to my taste." she answered with a smile and took his hand.

They lost each other briefly in this moment, while they took each other in their arms. The sound of the waves in the distance, whisper soft promises and the seagulls flew screeching over their heads. Tears glittered in her eyes, she could already see their future children in her mind's eye, running over the lush green hills.

"It's beautiful."

Charlotte pushed her arms around Sidney's middle and pressed against him. She was happy. When he began to kiss her temple and began his journey to her cheek, she broke away from him. He stared irritatedly at his wife and made an amused face as she walked over to the picnic basket and rummaged through it. Then held out the plate with the cold roast to him and pointed to Grumpy. He laughed with a nod and ordered the dog to come with him. At a safe place he pointed the dog to sit down. Grumpy looked at him expectantly.

"You stay here, I want to be alone with my wife and you make sure nobody comes!" 

Grumpy seemed to roll his eyes and Sidney shook his head as he gave the dog the treat and then ran back to the blanket where Charlotte had already made herself comfortable.

She grabbed him as soon as he sat down and he almost fell on top of her, which didn't seem to bother her when she claimed his lips and overwhelmed him with her longing for him. He couldn’t resist her, and stroke tenderly her face and neck.

"Charlotte?" the sound of her name a question like ’are you sure?’  
"Yes," she replied breathlessly and eagerly tried to take off his coat, and as he understood he was happy to show her his longing as well. When he let his hand wander down her side, she wrapped her leg around his and he kissed the soft skin of her shoulder.

"I'm sure this will be our bedroom," he gasped in her ear as he kissed her neck. She moved under him and slowly pulled his shirt from his breeches to feel his warm skin under her fingertips. She then whispered,

"I want to know what it feels like with the wind on my skin." 

He growled and kissed her passionately and did what his wife wanted him to do.  
Who was he to refuse her?


	18. I am happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grumpy is growing up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I promised, here is the epilogue. 
> 
> With this I want to say again thank you for reading my little stories.  
> Thank you for your support, the kudos and the nice comments!  
> And the ideas that arise from it.
> 
> I appreciate them all very much and I take them all to my heart!
> 
> This last chapter is dedicated to my husband and all those readers who have taken Grumpy to their hearts.  
> I hope you like it.

EPILOG - GRUMPY POV

It's been a long time as we visited my siblings and then came back. 

Furthermore I didn't manage to get these white things out of the water, my mistress says they are "waves you can't bite", but I keep trying.

My human and I worked on our new home every day. His wife always came by with food and often they played hide and seek with me. Although sometimes they did not want to be found, I always caught them. Only later, when the house was finished, they played unfairly and closed the door. 

They still do that.

The green hills turned brown at some point and I was finally allowed to wander around alone. My people say I'm old enough for that. But my human got upset when I put the rabbit in front of his feet. He said I couldn't just bring it into the house. His female then laughed and praised me for my great prey. 

"He still has a lot to learn" she had said and I could only agree with her.

When it got cold and all white outside, I got a place inside the house. Next to this box that is always so warm. When we were outside, my humans threw the white balls at me, but I mostly bit them. Then my people laughed and threw the cold stuff at themselves until they ran into the house with red noses.

At some point we went with these long-legged companions they call horses, into town. There I always had to behave in the house. The only good thing was that my friend was there too, he belongs to the pack of my human. The cozy one, who always gave me treats from his food.

Eventually we returned to our hill. It was wonderful to see everything from up there. Then everything was green again and we often went for walks and we played with the sticks. With my human I was swimming in the sea and with my mistress at the construction site. I brought them the screeching birds, ducks and again some rabbits. But now I always put them in front of the front door, so that my human can be more happy about it.

I don't think my human knows that his wife can walk properly. Because I have seen him again and again how he simply grabbed her and carried her into the house, even when she was digging the garden or picking flowers. It didn't seem to bother her, because she always laughed.

When she was kneading dough in the kitchen, he would hug her from behind and nibble at her neck. Then the air always had that strange glimmer. I still can't stand it and I try to get in between when I can. Many times my human simply lifted her up and carried her out of the room. But sometimes they also took consideration of me and stopped and said something like "this will happen to you, too" and that always sounded like a subliminal threat.

At some point it became a bit cooler outside again and the brown leaves fell from the trees. It was probably because my human was behaving so strangely. He ran up the stairs all day long to the special room, then he came down again and drank that brown stinking liquid.

Then this morning this man came with whom we came here when I was a little puppy. This man who smells so unpleasant, kind of pungent. He sent me out of the house, but I just snuck back in.

I went to find my master. He was sitting on the floor in front of the room, which he apparently was not allowed to enter anymore. My human looked tired and I lay down on his lap like a ball to comfort him.

There were agonizing noises coming from the room. The stinking man seemed to hurt my human, because behind the locked door I heard my mistress crying. It still hurts my bones when I think about it. And it hurt my master too, I saw it on his face.

I growled, but my human said everything was all right. Apparently I fell asleep at some point, because when my mistress called for my human, he already ran into the room as if there was a flock of sheep. I scrambled up to find out what was going on. My mistress lay on a lot of pillows and my master lay half on top of her and nudged her with his nose. The strange glimmer between them was there, but slightly changed. He talked so softly that I could not understand anything.

Than the stinking man had told my master to leave the room. But my human said in this voice, which always lets me do whatever he wants, that he stays where he is. 

I am proud of him.

Later I must have dozed off briefly next to the warm box, because suddenly the voice of my master roared against my ear and I looked around sleepily.

"Come here Grumpy," now he says happily, though I can hear tears in his voice. Is he happy or sad? I'm confused.

He sits on the cuddly sofa, where I always lie secretly when they have disappeared in that special room. I stretch out and trot over to him. 

"look."

he grins from ear to ear and puts a package in front of my nose. It smells kind of yummy. It's sweet. Like the stuff they never let me eat. I look at my master, what does he expect me to do?

"May I introduce?" he asks and I wag my tail as a precaution, that's probably what he wants to see.

"This is Avery."

And what am I supposed to do with this information?

"you must protect her." 

I finally look into his eyes, a warm feeling flows through me. We had this connection from the beginning and I understand. It is his cub. 

He is scratching me behind my left ear. I lay my snout on his lap and sniff this human child more closely, pick up her scent. My pack has suddenly grown. And my human trusts me to take care of her. Of them all.

I am happy.


End file.
